The next time you go to an industry event and leave with a branded pen and keyring, console yourself by fantasising about the Academy Awards’ $160?000 (R1.86?million) goodie bag.
The bag, Sky News reports, will be handed over to nominees tonight at Disney’s El Capitan Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard by Los Angeles-based Distinctive Assets, which calls itself a “niche marketing company”.
In comparison, last year’s nominees got a measly $85?000 worth of goodies.
This year, Sky reports, nominees Eddie Redmayne and Julianne Moore can treat themselves to everything from a “glamping” (five-star camping) adventure to a year of free Audi car rentals and a candy dessert buffet.
Here’s some of what’s in the bag, according to Sky News – though a lot of it is presumably in voucher form.
A northern California camping company will take the nominee on a trip with private chefs, wine from the Napa Valley and rides in hot-air balloons.
A portable vaporiser, which claims to allow users to vaporise “two different materials interchangeably”.
There’s also a hair follicle stimulant treatment course ($1?200), to help stave off any receding hairlines.
A US car company will provide the nominees with a year’s worth of car hire from Audi – they’ll also get the perk of not having to wait in line.
Luxury Italian hotel
A hotel in Tuscany will host the stars for three nights.
If you see some of the Oscar nominees looking more refreshed in the coming months, it may be because they’ve taken advantage of this freebie and turned their home shower into an aromatherapy spa.
If you see some of those stars looking a little larger than they do on Oscar night, it could be something to do with tucking into this customised candy dessert buffet.
The stars will find, probably much to their surprise, a laser therapy vibrator in their gift bags.
For those nominees looking to decide what project to take on next, this gift allows for a psychic to fly to meet the actor or actress, discuss their horoscope, analyse their dreams and teach them “mind-control techniques”.
Particularly useful for those nominees who must find a home for an Academy Award.
This makeover kit includes flowers, a booster cleanse, nutritional supplements, hair mineral analysis, an organic-food chef and a meditation expert.