South Africans, you suck!

What a royal disappointment you lot are. Who the hell do you think you are to host a successful World Cup? I don’t know why you are busy patting yourselves in the back and walking around with your chests out. You were supposed to fail and you didn’t. When it comes to being a failure, you failed. What you did during the World Cup was under-whelming. You were meant to make the most embarrassing spectacle of yourselves, but oh no, not you, you decided you were above that. What were you thinking?

You had no business hosting a successful tournament at all; worse, this was the third most attended in history after the American and German World Cups. The stadiums were meant to be empty because you lot are poor and can’t afford tickets. In fact, the foreigners were meant to be too afraid to come visit this country. It is a wonder that so many people decided to make the trip over here after all the stories that were in British newspapers and South Africa’s tenth province, Australia.

How can you not embarrass yourselves like this? You are meant to be the most notoriously criminal country on the face of the planet, perhaps even the universe. How come you guys didn’t commit as many crime as possible? Have you become sissies? Are you bunch losing your touch? Do you have any idea how much time and effort was used to paint you as the scariest people on God’s green earth? Many were watching with baited breath to see the great disaster that would be 2010 South African World Cup. Do you have any idea how disappointing it is not to be able to say, “I told you so”?

The world’s headlines weren’t meant to be glowing with what a friendly people you are but they did. When foreigners went to the townships they were meant to come back dead if not robbed of everything they had with them, but alas, they went there and wanted to go back again and again. Not only that, but they are telling their friends in their countries right now that they ought to visit the country! Did you not get the brief? Do you know how many ex South Africans had told these tourists that they were making a mistake by coming to South Africa?

It’s been just over a week since the tournament was hosted in this country and the world’s press and the people of the world don’t have a bad word to say about this country. What went wrong? There should be a commission of inquiry to rectify the lack of atrocities and embarrassing behaviour. Phillip came and left without incident.

It was surprising that the stadiums were completed in the first place, but to host the best tournament the world has seen was not meant to happen. And good heavens, you even introduced that damn vuvuzela. It is so irresistible that the whole earth seems to want to adopt it. (Hold on for a second while I blow mine). Alright, where was I? Oh yes, the vuvuzela.

It is also profoundly disappointing that there were no race riots. You were meant to kill each other after Eugene Terre’blanche was killed. As it turns out, it looks like you lot like touching each other on your studios.

You were not supposed to be amazing. Not only did you put your best foot forward, you put your best selves forward. You disappointed a lot of former South Africans who bad-mouthed the country in their adopted countries. Worse, the display of unity and pride in your nation has caused these people to want to come back.

It appears now that South Africa’s dirty little secret is out. It is a great country filled with a proud people who get their hands dirty to make the best of what they have. We showed the world the better angels of our nature. Many say that it was the spirit of the world cup. It was not the spirit of the World Cup. It was the spirit of South Africans.

After this no one can doubt that you can do anything. How you managed to be so incredible after four years of naysayers saying that there was a plan B that you were behind schedule even though you were ahead of Germany – despite the strikes in between. I gotta hand it to you South Africans, you are a resilient lot. All the prophecies fell flat, well, except for one; Bafana really didn’t make it through to the next round. But outside that you really proved that South Africa is alive with possibilities.

- Follow Khaya on Twitter.

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