How to be a real man

Sibongile Mafu

I feel like we live in a world where there's just never enough advice given to men about what it truly takes to be a "real man". There are not enough magazines, television shows, movies, and adverts in the world to reinforce this idea, so it is my duty as a decent, up-standing member of society to guide men with a few conscious steps they can take in their daily lives to better themselves and gain respect, admiration and most importantly man points in a world that clearly enjoys keeping score.

Here lie five basic tools, some dos, some don'ts, to help you become the man you were destined to be, and not this person that society will be unable to accept.

This powerful and important list means you may need to make a few adjustments in your life, and I know sacrifice is a trait that is highly respected in a man’s world so without even starting, we've already begun.

1. The first rule is to avoid any kind of behaviour that may be perceived as feminine. Activities like dancing; eating ice-cream, idolising iconic female vocalists and being moved to watch movies that vaguely sit in the romantic comedy genres is a no. If you have a special woman in your life, the best way to gauge how to avoid these activities is to completely shun any and all things that she enjoys. This only works on the assumption that all women enjoy the above-mentioned things. Which they do, because in a man's world all women are the same.

2. You need to know more about a woman's experience than women, and equip yourself to debate any and all women who tell you otherwise. Bearing in mind the point made in the first rule, you need to do all of this with some finesse as not to be appear too feminine or too deeply invested in women's issues Real men know what kind of friendships women have with each other, and also have distinct insight into their insecurities and whenever they try to tell you about their experience, you assure that that is not how it is at all. The key is to be knowledgeable and stand your ground even when for the most part, you are incorrect. The key is a dogged conviction in all that you do.

3. Do not get too excited about events and joyous things. Remain calm and dignified through it all. Urges to scream things like "OMG!" And that warm prickle that comes to your eyes during some what many would call “moving moments” must be curtailed. Reactions to big life events like graduation, your wedding and the birth of your first child need to handled with Queen Elizabeth-like restraint.

4. You need to enjoy sport, but not just any sport. It has to be mostly contact, but the right kind of contact. And remember no dancing, definitely no dancing. Outward appreciation for sports like rugby, football and wrestling (at least in 1999) will bump you up a notch in the man ladder, which is basically like a regular ladder.

5. And finally love your momma. Moms are the only women you’re free to be a softie with. You’re allowed to proudly proclaim yourself to be a Momma’s Boy, which will instantly earn you points with many, particularly women who desire manly men who love their moms.

These are just guidelines, which you can incorporate into your daily lives and all the advice I’ve given herewith needs to be regarded with some suspicion. Clearly as women, we’re trying to take over the world and anything we say may compromise the order of things in this manly world.

- Sibongile is a videographer, blogger and social media enthusiast who would be nothing without her thumbs. Follow her on Twitter: @SboshMafu.

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