Woman vows never to date again after 11 months of alleged abuse by her ex-boyfriend

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A Gauteng woman endured alleged severe abuse by her ex-boyfriend of 11 months.
A Gauteng woman endured alleged severe abuse by her ex-boyfriend of 11 months.
Catherine Falls Commercial, Getty Images
  • A woman in Kagiso, Gauteng claims she was allegedly abused by her ex-boyfriend during their 11-month relationship.
  • She was allegedly beaten up multiple times and recalls one incident where she was thrown into a car boot. 
  • The 36-year-old fears for her life and those of her kids.

A Gauteng women was allegedly turned into a punching bag multiple times, beaten until she collapsed, and thrown into a car boot by her former boyfriend of 11 months.

The 36-year-old mother of two from Kagiso, Gauteng said she was tired of dealing with the abuse and wanted to live a free life.

She said: 

I'm so tired, I don't feel safe... When I think I'm healing, I return to the same place of pain... Sometimes I wish a bullet would hit me and kill me because this guy is everywhere.

According to the woman, it was common knowledge that her former boyfriend got around.

"He was literary the life of the party, never drank cheap ciders or beer, only ordered the most expensive bottles of alcohol and wore branded clothes. 

"He would check in to Durban for breakfast and fly to Cape Town for lunch… He got any girl but never got into something serious with them."

READ | Grandfather to appear in court for allegedly raping a teenager, Durban

But this flashy life never really appealed to her.

"He would try to hit on me but I never really gave him a chance."

It wasn't until 2011 when she decided to hear him out. 

"When we bumped into each other at a club, he would come sit with me and have chats with me," she said.

According to her, he was the kind of man who spoke of morals and values, said all the right things and was always positive.

But he apparently also always wanted to be praised and would never admit he was wrong.

She said: 

At some point I got to notice how people in our area never really liked him, but I always thought they were jealous of him.

They started dating in the early months of 2021.

Within just a month, she said she learned who her ex-boyfriend really was. 

"I discovered he was on heavy drugs like CAT and crystal meth. He got to the point where he was not hiding it anymore and he started doing it in front of me. 

"He once offered me to sniff but I told him drugs were not my thing. Since then, his behaviour changed and he started acting weird... When we were dating, he lost everything and lost friends and he started taking drugs heavily," she said.

'He kept accusing me of cheating' 

The relationship started to take a turn and things got too violent. 

"]He would get so upset and even hit me when he saw me talking to other people," she said.

She recalls one incident in which he hit her in front of his own friend, who at the time was asking if he could get in contact with her [victim's] friend. 

She said: 

I did not know what to do, I was so ashamed. After that day he started hitting me continuously.

She claims she never told her family about her ex-boyfriend’s behaviour and when she did tell her friends, they reprimanded him, but he continued.

She claims the abuse went on until 2022.

“He drove me to an open mining field in Kagiso not far from my house.

“He kept accusing me of cheating after he saw a text I sent to my cousin asking for my keys and lipstick that I had left in his car.”  

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She said while they were driving, police patrolling in the area stopped them and asked where they were going.

According to her, her ex-boyfriend lied and said they were fixing their relationship but she tried to convince the police that he was about to do something bad to her.

She said the police went on to search the car and found small plastic bags with drugs in the drawer panel.

She said: 

I was so scared in that moment because in situations like these, we both get arrested.
 She tried to stop the arrests by claiming the car belonged to his friend who smoked drugs. But apparently her ex-boyfriend claimed the drugs were hers.

"I was scared that if the police leave, he was going to beat me up, I was just all over the place, I was shaking."

This gave the police the impression that she was on drugs, so she said she had to strip naked and show the police officers her bruises to prove that she had been beaten.

"But the police just looked at me and said I must get myself together because I was all over the place. They eventually let us go and my ex-boyfriend drove towards the open field."

Moments after driving off, the same officers came back to them and took her to the police station.

She said when she got there, it was very hard for her to open a case because her ex-boyfriend and his friends had followed her to the station and started causing havoc.

"They were busy shouting outside, it was just a whole mess until I decided to go back home. I was accompanied by one of the police officers there at the station,” she said.

READ | Study shows what needs to be done to support victims of abuse

The next day when her ex-boyfriend tried to get hold of her, she ignored him.

"I tried to ignore him, made up excuses whenever he wanted to meet, I would always say I am babysitting.

 "In my mind, I thought I was making things even worse for myself if I ignored him like this, so I decided to answer his calls."

She later ended up in a car with the ex-boyfriend and his friend. 

"He started hitting me so bad because I ignored him and on top of that, because I questioned him about certain things the friend in the car had warned me about him.

"When all of this was happening, his friend who was driving at the time did not do anything.

It was like he wasn’t even there," she said.

She added:

We came to a stop somewhere and he picked me out of the car, threw me to the ground and started kicking me and punching me.

She said she tried to stand and run but couldn’t.

She also tried to scream for help but they were in a deserted area.

Her ex-boyfriend allegedly continued to hit her until she collapsed, and he put her inside the boot of the car.

By the time she gained consciousness, he apparently blamed her for his behaviour.

"I decided to open a case against him, this was around February. I was fed up, the threats became too much and everywhere I was he was there, things just started getting worse.” 

She said opening a case was difficult.

She felt the police officers were rushing her, not really listening or giving her advice on steps to take.

Her ex-boyfriend was allegedly arrested but stayed in jail for a day. She said he came to her house the next day.

"He was so upset and yelled at me, saying he did not want police by his home. He continued to insult me and told me he would destroy me.

"I went back to the police station a week later and I opened a case of intimidation, and he was arrested again because he broke his bail conditions."

But he was released a day later. 

She said the situation got worse when he started sending people to attack her.

"I felt like I was in danger and I was scared to even report him because I wasn't getting any help from the police and I was making things worse."

She recalls a time when she was sitting with friends when he pointed a gun at her.

"I was so scared, I have never had a gun pointed at me before. I wanted to report the matter to the police but the people I was with were so scared and told me to rather go home."

Later that day she decided to go to the police to open another case against him but when she got there she was not assisted, apparently because she had a pending case of intimidation.

She said she spent time arguing with the police because it was a new matter but had no luck and decided to go back home. 

"There were times when he would throw bricks to my house, sometimes he would pester me with countless messages asking to fix things. 

"I had to do something."

She said she eventually got a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend.

"Right now, I am just waiting for the court proceedings," she said.

"I don't feel safe at all, and I am scared for my kids, I had to go to their school to inform them I would be the one fetching them personally because anything could happen to them... I am trying to be strong but I can't, I am also human at the end of the day. I don't know what he wants from me."

According to Gauteng police spokesperson Mavela Masondo, a case of common assault and a case of intimidation were opened at Kagiso Police Station.

"The suspect is summoned to appear before the court on 20 July 2022," said Masondo.

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