In the times we live all efforts should be made to strengthen your marriage especially knowing how challenging marriage can be. We need a sane approach to marital issues that affirm the reality of our human nature. With the increased divorce rates in the world, one is lead to believe that Divorce is normal and you ought to expect it, which couldn't be further from the truth. In this 2 part blog post we will be discussing a total of 12 tips to strengthen your marriage in 2017.
Why strengthen your marriage?In South Africa according to data Stats, from 2012, it shows that 161,112 marriages took place but close to 22,000 ended in divorces. In the US, 50% of marriages end in divorce, which amounts to more than 10 divorces in every hour.
Why is Marriage so important?Marriage is the beautiful accommodation of another’s life into your life permanently. It is also the age of discovery of oneself and with another in a close proximity with intimacy. The relationship bore in within marriage will you help you either to achieve or fail in your life's destiny. A successful and joyful marriage is only founded in the origin of its creator.
Which means you cannot add anything to it. When you change the rules of the manufacturer who is the source, then destruction is inevitable and it will lead to divorce. I want to give you 6 quick practical tips that will help your marriage be more enjoyable and sweet, with peace. These are the foundational tools for success and progressive growth in your marriage life. There will be troubles and arguments in the marriage, but you will be equipped to handle them with the ability to make it work. Below now are the 6 tips you can use to, strengthen your marriage.
1: Start Appreciating Your Spouse
Many couples use to appreciate and show gratitude when they were newly married. But in time they fell into a deficit of this. I am asking you to go back to the old you and start again to appreciate your spouse by verbally telling them about it. If they are well dressed, achieved, promoted, done chores let them know it. Put enthusiasm into it and tell them with care. Take time and remind them the good things they have done in 2016 for you and the family.
Every person likes to hear good things about themselves. Appreciation uplifts the soul of your spouse. Since they are not used to hearing it they will be excited about it. It makes the atmosphere in the home to be charged positively. This creates room for discussion and growth. If you practice mutual gratitude and appreciation, this can go a long way into healing many of your relationship problems. The daily reminders of genuine appreciation will deepen your intimacy and make your relationship within your marriage even stronger. Try it and see the results for yourself. Feel free to make use the free 15 Minute phone consultation on my website and let me know how it worked out for you?
2: Remove the Bitterness and Erase it from your Mind
When you keep holding Bitterness against your spouse who has wronged you, it becomes an evil cancer within you and it will eventually destroy your marriage. What is bitterness?
Bitterness is when you hold onto hurt and refuse to forgive the person who hurt you. Most of the time, this comes as a result of ongoing actions of a small nature—lack of understanding, misuse of finances, harsh comments—that build up over time. Each offence takes residence in the heart, and at some point, there is no more room left. That's when bitterness is manifested and causes the most damage that leads to divorce.
Bitterness causes the heart to harden and causes a lot of pain. There are 3 reasons why bitterness should be removed from your heart as quickly without delay:
- Bitterness causes you to harbour un-forgiveness.
- Bitterness does not give your spouse a chance to apologise.
- Bitterness spreads. (like cancer it destroys everything it along its path)
You may feel justified in your anger. You may think that your spouse doesn't deserve your forgiveness until he or she straightens out. But have you forgotten that you too have done bad things? It’s in giving that you receive. Do not let that “Bitter-root” grow in you or in your marriage. Free yourself and strengthen your marriage and begin to clear the clutter in your mind for a new life.
3: Decide to Stand Together
When two people are attracted to one another, and they accept each other fully for who they are, then they stand by each other irrespective of how they feel. It is wisdom to help your spouse win.
One of the reasons that couples fight is because they lose sight of what their original goal should be. One of their goals should lead to a happy and nurturing relationship.
Some couples fight often over different goals. A spouse’s goal is usually proving to themselves the right to their spouse and not building a loving relationship and it's destructive. Always keep your goals in mind and make sure your actions are aligned with your set goals in your relationships – This may mean resisting the urge inside you to point out how right you are no matter how much evidence you have but in the long run, it will strengthen your marriage. This is standing by each other.
Accept your spouse as they are and stop wishing they were someone else. Sometimes you stand by them even when you know they will fail. But that standing by them gives them a better chance to listen to you after the failure. Can you see that your spouse’s failure is your failure and his win is your win? Choose then to stand by them no matter what. When we accept each other then We Stand together for something greater than self or one.
4: Common Vision of Agreement in Marriage
When each person knows and understands the goals of their marriage then it helps to understand the campus of this institution of marriage. You may ask yourself;
- Who are we? (together with spouse)
- What do we contain? (When our forces are combined)
- Where are we? ( Since our marriage)
- Where do we want to go with our lives (from now onwards)
These four points when fully discussed puts a structure and help to strengthen your marriage. Take time and discuss it with yourself and with your spouse. What was your original expectation? How do you see yourself in the next 5 or ten years?
Are you content.... what needs to be improved. The success in your past was possible because of what? What caused your failure? Do you believe in your spouse and in your marriage? Your marriage is between you and your spouse’s. It’s not for the extended family, friends and the world at large. It is s yours to care for because it belongs to you two only.
5: The Purpose of the Alliance
When two people get married, they form an alliance. The make vows of staying together during the wedding and they vow:
I, __________, take you, __________, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
This is the general wedding vows. This then forms the basis of their alliance for the rest of their life. The feelings that they have for each other gives purpose to what they have together (love). This makes both of you an integral part of each other’s life.
It gives the direction of where you are going with your marriage life and relationship. It gives you the legal, physical and spiritual right to access each other’s power for the success of your marriage with a free will. Thus, this marriage henceforth becomes a covenant and not a contract.
6: The Effectiveness of Structure & Pillar
When you have a structure in a marriage you will also put pillars for the relationship to be stable which will strengthen your marriage. You are not ruled by the results of other marriages and the divorce rate. Your marriage belongs to the two of you and you two have the power to build it with the tools given to you. Since love is not lacking, it’s the problems that come with it, that we need to know how to handle.
You strive as you build together by standing on your covenant and on the promises of its happiness as you use the Interventions from above to form a firm foundation for a healthy marriage.
In Conclusion ...
In this time and age where the world views are very strong, we need to look at Marriage & Relationships with adequate tools to navigate through this School of Marriage. The Marriage life is a learning process. The harvest of security and joy and peace is worth the sacrifice you make. The greatness of having given your life for another brings you unsurpassed happiness for the two hearts beat like one in the Grace of love. In part 2 of this blog post, we will discuss a further 6 practical tips to you can use to in your marriage in 2017.
You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with Dr Janet by visiting www.drjanet.co.za/freeconsult/ and pick an ideal date and time.