Oh, the trials and tribulations of parenting! Why does space and time seem to warp around my children? Seconds can turn into hours, and indeed, hours into mere moments. It’s a thing of beauty, and it would be even more beautiful if we didn’t live in a society that required some kind of general time-keeping. You know? Like getting to work on time, or not being the very last people to show up at every single family event!
1. The “need”
And by need, I mean toilet. The fact that your child needs to go every single time you’ve strapped them into the car and started the engine. Like EVERY TIME. You sigh, you wonder if they can “keep it in” until you get there, but in your heart of hearts you know that it probably violates some kind of human right to deny them. So they go… and you wait, looking at your watch every three seconds. Eventually you investigate, and your offspring is completely undressed except for gumboots, singing “Let it go” while toilet-papering the bathroom.
2. The shoe thing
I don’t care who you are, or how organised your home is. Your children’s shoes are always missing when it’s time to go. You could buy 10 identical pairs, and you’d only find the left ones… and heaven help you if you have more than one kid. You may as well cover their feet with shopping bags for protection and save yourself the heartache.
3. Your beautiful face
You don’t get up in the mornings looking like a Kardashian. It takes several beauty products to get you there… in my case it takes MANY beauty products. And they don’t just magically appear on your face either. You’ve got to apply them. Now try doing that with kids around. Try finding your eyebrow pencil and your lipstick after leaving them on the edge of the basin for two seconds. They’re gone, aren’t they? No eyebrows for you today!
4. The “need”: Part 2
Yes, yes… the toilet again. Only this time, you’re finally on the road. A petrol station appears in the distance, and the begging begins. You consider just driving past, but what if they mean it this time? Human rights man! You’re not a monster! And so, you stop. No actual toileting happens, but at least they keep their clothes on. But wait, there’s more… Now they’ve seen the shop! Do you give in? But you can’t. You’re a strict parent who refuses to raise brats! The wailing and crying continues for the rest of your trip.
Also read: 23 times you know you're a parent
5. Destination frustration
You’ve arrived! You’re at the school/shop/event. You’ve managed to fashion some eyebrows for yourself from an old lip pencil. You look like a freak, but *shrug*, you’re there! Only, the two-year-old has passed out, the four-year-old is naked again and the 6-year-old is refusing to get out of the car. I’ll give credit to those parents who manage to be on time for anything, ever. I don’t know if you’re starting 6 hours early, or if you’ve just stocked up on hundreds of pairs of shoes. I’m guessing it’s the shoes.
What are your reasons for always being tardy? Share you time-keeping tips and stories by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org and we may publish your comments.
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