Close your eyes. Breathe in. Hold it there. Now breathe out.
I'm going to take you to a place.
Far far away in a land called Parent Heaven is a bunch of parents who spend long leisurely days in the sun, cocktail of their choosing in hand and nothing but the sounds of a waterfall to drown out any crying or nagging coming from anyone under the age of 10.
You're watching your favourite TV series, alone, all day. Your clothes are white (bright white) and your hair is soft and tame.
- Also read: 10 clear signs you're a parent
Now slowly come back. Keep breathing.
There, how was that? Good, right?
When you've been a parent for long enough you'll probably develop a list of fantasies that you dream of from time to time.
Here are a few more:
1. Finishing a book
Being able to read a book from front to back is a rare luxury for most parents and if it does happen, it'll no doubt take at least three times the amount of time to finish a book than it did in your pre-parenting life.
2. Sleeping in
Remember the days when you could wake up in the morning, look at the time, roll over and go back to sleep? They're so far gone that being able to sleep pass 6 am is considered a privilege.
- Also read: 10 sleep tricks for tired parents
3. Having money
Shopping for your own clothes, being able to save towards that trip to Mauritius or knowing that you can afford those nice restaurants you and your partner used to like.
What a dream.
4. Peeing with the door closed
What is it about the door being closed that kids find so offensive?
There's nothing quite like a private-pee. Regain your freedom!
5. Guilt-free hobbies
Do you remember those fun activities you used to be able to enjoy for hours without having to rush back for the school run?
Running clubs, cooking classes, dinner dates with friends. Oh the stress of existence.
6. A clean car
The smell of milk seeped into the carpet, driving over a speed-bump without a million items from the toy box rolling under your feet; even if you wanted to go and have it cleaned you'd still need to spring clean it.
7. Noisy, uninterrupted sexy time
Possibly the most missed of all pre-parenting luxuries! Freedom of expression and the right to practise it whenever you want without being asked why you're crying or shouting at your partner under the covers.
- Also read: The truth about a new mom's sex life
8. Never having to share
Making, ordering and eating whatever and however much you like without having to give it away because someone else decided they'd starve if the couldn't eat what you had.
Also, not having to eat an ice cream in the toilet.
9. Hot coffee/tea/meals
How many times a day do you need to reheat your drink or food in the microwave?
Do you even remember what it was like to drink a full cup of hot coffee?
My thoughts are with you during this trying time.
10. Having a good body
Looking at old photos is equally as depressing as the fact that you just don't have time to do anything about it.
Not all parents can maintain their figure as easily as others can but at least you're not alone.
- Also read: Husband praises his wife's postbaby body
What are some of your parenting fantasies? Tell us by commenting below or send us your comments to firstname.lastname@example.org and we may publish them.
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