When a parent is just not that into parenting: Online confessions that'll make you feel okay about being an "Okay Mom"

accreditation
"I mean, sure tell me about the new stage your kid is going through or vent to me about some annoying thing they are doing, but we can also talk about other stuff?"
"I mean, sure tell me about the new stage your kid is going through or vent to me about some annoying thing they are doing, but we can also talk about other stuff?"

Society loves its stereotypes, and women being "naturally maternal" and men being "inadequate caregivers" are some of the favourites. 

One mom took to Reddit's forum Breaking Mom to confess that despite what women are constantly told about the joys of motherhood, too much of one thing is just that, and to boot, the father of her child is "wayyy more into this parenting gig" than the new mom. In fact, he would stop strangers in public and start talking about his baby, whether they seem interested or not. And all he would be talking about at night is their baby's nappies, or baby food, or burps. She said she loves her baby but after baby's bedtime at night she wants to kick back and be a partner and woman.

"I did feel super weird posting this here because most posts are complaining about the opposite issues as mine," she commented later, after other moms reminded her how lucky she was to have a baby daddy who took such an active role in raising their baba.  

Unfortunately, she must have felt too embarrassed by her online confession because the post is now deleted.  

However, her admission had opened a can of worms, with others coming forward to share their version of the "I'm just not that into parenting" dilemma, and it's definitely a conversation worth having. 


 Also see: You’re not “just a mom”: Motherhood is like working 2.5 jobs – fact

Is the father of your children more enthusiastic about being a dad than you are about being a mom? Tell us your story and we could publish your letter. If you'd like to remain anonymous, tell us in your email. 


Here are a few responses by moms who related to the original post: 

"I feel like I'm always asking other moms, 'But like, aside from parenting, what do you do?'"

"My husband is also a Very Good Dad. I am an Okay Mom... he is really good at playing with them and interacting with them and I'm kind of just like, 'Go play with those toys over there while I drink my coffee'. He takes the kids to playgrounds and strikes up conversations with other dads and moms... remembers their names and says hi to them at playgrounds when he sees them again. Where I'm just sitting on a bench enjoying five minutes of quiet.

"I am a member of moms groups, and all the talk about parenting philosophies and what developmental stage their kid is in is so exhausting. I mean, sure, tell me about the new stage your kid is going through or vent to me about some annoying thing they are doing, but we can also talk about other stuff. I feel like I'm always asking other moms, 'But like, aside from parenting, what do you do?', and sometimes they seem confused (the ones that don't are the best and a lot of the time we just talk about other stuff with kid stuff sprinkled in). I also have quite a few friends that are child free because it's really nice to hang out with people who don't have kids, tbh.

"I will say though, that in regards to my husband probably being a better dad than I am mom, I have noticed as the kids get older that my status as just an Okay Mom helps me have a little more detachment from discipline and the hard parts of parenting.

"So while I may not be the fun parent, I'm the one that gets shit done and the one that does the daily grind of teaching them to be decent human beings, and the one who has the ability to get them through tough situations like potty training without just giving in and taking the easy way out. My husband, love him to death, but boy do the kids have him wrapped around their fingers and he has very little boundaries with them, whereas I have long established my boundaries (like don't eat my food, no we're not watching TV any time you ask, and yes you have to take a nap even though it's a weekend).

"So basically, it's okay that he has a different and maybe more exuberant parenting style than you. That doesn't make your parenting style any less!" (Posted by sleepsonrocks) 


Also see: To the working mom of an infant

'I was that mom who wanted to current events, music, or bloody well anything adult'

"OMG, I hear you! I never even tried regular playgroups (I had twins and felt like a walking circus at [the] time, so I stuck to twins playgroups, and even then [it] wasn't until I moved to a smaller town that I found the awesome ladies). I was that mom who wanted to talk hockey, or current events, or music, or bloody well anything adult, and usually they would nod politely and go back to talking about organic baby food or potty training or sleep habits. And I get we need to turn to other moms for these things but sometimes we need to not be moms for a bit too.

"I found it got better as they got older. And while I'm friends with some of my boys' friends' parents, I'm closer to moms I've just met through other things. In fact, we enjoy the fact our kids aren't friends!" (Posted by ModoReese) 

"Sometimes I regret the decision to become a mom"

"I feel you so hard. I confessed to mine last night that sometimes I regret the decision to become a mom and he's like no, I love it. He'd be a [stay at home dad] if we could afford it." (Posted by MumOfTwins219) 

"We are so much more than just mothers"

"I totally understand how you feel. My SO [significant other] isn't as involved as yours but just how you feel and how you're doing your mom thing, I get that... I have mom friends but it's always different, they are such a different type of mom than me (not a bad thing, just hard to relate with)... We are so much more than just mothers. (Posted by g8edgrl) 

Chat back:

Is the father of your children more enthusiastic about being a dad than you are about being a mom? Tell us your story and we could publish your letter. If you'd like to remain anonymous, tell us in your email. 

Sign up for Parent24's newsletters.

Read more:

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. 
Subscribe to News24
Voting Booth
Eskom has considered continuous load shedding at Stage 2, instead of introducing it when the power system faces a crunch. What are your thoughts?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
I'm all for it - we're going to have power cuts regardless, so we might as well have some stability to better plan our lives
45% - 4190 votes
No thanks! I prefer having periods of no load shedding and we cannot normalise this crisis
55% - 5065 votes
Vote
Rand - Dollar
17.93
-1.8%
Rand - Pound
19.45
-0.0%
Rand - Euro
17.37
-0.0%
Rand - Aus dollar
11.70
-0.0%
Rand - Yen
0.13
-0.0%
Gold
1,643.66
0.0%
Silver
18.87
0.0%
Palladium
2,073.00
0.0%
Platinum
858.50
0.0%
Brent Crude
86.15
-5.0%
Top 40
57,110
-3.1%
All Share
63,417
-2.9%
Resource 10
56,319
-7.5%
Industrial 25
78,436
-1.2%
Financial 15
14,142
-1.6%
All JSE data delayed by at least 15 minutes Iress logo
Editorial feedback and complaints

Contact the public editor with feedback for our journalists, complaints, queries or suggestions about articles on News24.

LEARN MORE