Why is it okay for my spouse to want another kid, but not for me to NOT want one?

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What happens when your spouse wants another kid, but you don't?
What happens when your spouse wants another kid, but you don't?

When the family gets word that you’re expecting, even that you’re just trying, they get overly excited, overly involved, but all in all, the response is quite positive. Because it’s a happy occasion – you’re bringing new life into the world – and you absolutely must be celebrated for that.

But is having a child the right thing for you? And what about your spouse?

It’s all good and well for you to want a kid. But if you do not want one, or another one, while your partner does, well, then it seems family and relations will have a problem with that.

One Redditor, u/Originalstickers, opened the discussion when she posed the question, “Why is the person who says ‘no’ always the a**hole?”

Why is it okay for my spouse to want a kid, but not for me to not want one? from r/Parenting

“I’m so tired of everyone thinking that your spouse wanting another child is something you should just deal with or accept as something that will eventually happen,” she wrote.

While she thought about expanding her family because she knew that’s what her spouse wanted, she admitted she genuinely felt as though she was already trying so hard to be a good parent, and she just didn’t think they should add another little one to the dynamic. “Most people seem to think there is no greater calling in life than to have more kids,” she wrote, and said it made her look like the one “ruining their [her spouse’s] dreams and hopes”.

It’s pretty unfair to assume your outlook on life is any more valid than someone else’s. One person’s calling is not necessarily someone else’s – and we wouldn’t suggest forcing someone to accept said calling if it requires at least 18 years of dedication to the raising and rearing of another human being.

Because having a child is a huge responsibility, a few parents responded reassuring the mom she’s not an a**hole. There are so many things you NEED to consider before bringing a child into the world…

1. "You need two people to say 'yes'"

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2. You need money

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Also read: OPINION: 7 reasons why we're only having two children

And on that note…

3. You need time

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Also read: "We spell love l. o. v. e but children spell love t. i. m. e."

4. You need to do what’s best for you and your well-being too

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5. Again (and we can’t stress this enough), you need to want to have a kid

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Here’s what we think: Weigh your options. But ultimately, if you have a kid anyway and you absolutely don’t want to, you’ve doing a disservice to yourself, your spouse and your potential little one if you give in and have another one for your partner's sake.

“The kid is the one who suffers when a parent is not fully invested.”

So to the mom having the courage to say "no more": you’re strong, you’re responsible, you really are doing the best for the little one you’ve already got. And you are very far from being an a**hole.

Chat back:

Did you feel pressured by family and friends to have (more) kids? How did you deal with the criticism and pressure? Send your advice we may share it with our readers.

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