'She took what belonged to me': A reader asks what next, after her husband had an affair

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At Parent24 we understand that family dynamics can be complex, so we do what we can to offer advice and information to help parents navigate some of the trickier aspects of raising kids in a happy home. 

Send your questions to chatback @ parent24.com, and we'll find an expert to respond. 

This reader wrote to tell us that she’s just learned that her husband had an affair and is now expecting a child with the other woman. She asks what she should do next.

"I just found out. Days exactly. I don't know what to do. This was not the first time, so I am dealing with pains that are deep and torturous.
I have children with my husband and feel cheated. I know the child is innocent, but so are we.
Four people are suffering because they chose to do wrong. I blame them both.
He gave a seed that belonged to me under the covenant of God, she freely stole like a prowler in the night and took what belonged to me. 
So yes, I am in an agony of pain and anger, but I am hanging to the hope of God!
My future is unclear, my promises of what could have been are dead. 
How do I go on? What is my purpose in this life?
I see them, I see my children, our children, they're hurting and dealing with life's complications to the highest extreme of pain." 

Adultery is devastating

We asked local attorney Deborah Di Siena of Di Siena Attorneys for her advice in this awful situation, and this is her response:

Dealing with the adultery caused by a spouse is often devastating and has far reaching consequences for both of you and the children born of the marriage.

While not all affairs result in divorce, the majority of them do. The decision whether to proceed with a divorce action can be daunting.

Often people are overcome with emotion, confusion and anger, which clouds their ability to make rational and informed decisions.

However, you will need to decide what is best for you and the children and whether that is to try work on the marriage (if your husband also wants to continue with the marriage) or whether to proceed with the action for divorce.

Avoid hasty decisions 

While you should not make a hasty decision out of anger or sadness, it is advisable to consult with an attorney, which will assist you in making an informed decision and will also assist in planning for the future.

In the event that both you and your husband no longer wish to continue with the marriage, you and him may be able to reach an amicable agreement on the proprietary consequences of your marriage, children’s and spousal maintenance and the children’s care and contact.

In the event that you are able to reach an agreement, you could be divorced within a matter of weeks.

It may also be helpful for you and your children to attend counselling in order to deal with the betrayal, hurt, anger and pain that you and the children may be experiencing.

Parent24's #dignifieddivorce series is here to help parents navigate the legal and emotional implications of a divorce.

We can help 

Share your family relationship questions with us, and we could find you experts answers. Anonymous contributions are welcome.


Share your stories and questions with us via email at chatback@parent24.com. Anonymous contributions are welcome.

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