A divorcee shares what she's learned about starting over after her 27-year marriage ended

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The best advice I was given... (Thomas Barwick/Getty Images)
The best advice I was given... (Thomas Barwick/Getty Images)

A Parent 24 reader wrote in to share her personal experience with life and dating after her being married for 27 years. 

Read her story below:


I was married for 27 years, yes, a lifetime! We had four sons, and the divorce didn't happen overnight. 

The relationship decayed; the environment was not always what it seemed on the outside.

Starting over, I envisaged recreating a happy space where people would still come, and life would be similar just happier. Sadly, this wasn’t true.

Everything changes. Yes, I didn’t want to believe it either, I was determined to still be me! But even I had to change.

Change was the biggest obstacle in getting divorced. I yearned to wake up and feel like myself again, but as one counselor pointed out that wasn’t going to happen.

You have to make the change.  

Read: Dating again, with kids? An expert offers some insider tips 

This goes hand in hand with dating again.

You think you have it all under control. After all, you were a wonderful mom and a great wife for years, but a single lady isn’t always welcome especially in social circles and events.

A single man, on the other hand, is always welcome. He can openly flirt with the hostess and her friends and they will laugh and think wow! What an amazing guy - she (me or you) must have been crazy to leave him.

But the woman - no if you are polite and friendly you won’t get invited back.

Also see: 'I thought the nightmare would never end': Local mom gets her 'happy ever after' despite a messy divorce

'Dating? Well everyone is fun initially and everyone makes an effort'

You have to read between the lines, focus on habits and where the person's actions differ from their words. If they say what they are doing is 'out of character' for them believe me they will go back to that same character over time.

The best advice I was given was first, don’t lose sight of what you want in your future and don’t compromise to fit in.

Learn early: when something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t.

And a side note, don’t put pressure on something new, let it flow.

Most importantly, fill your life with happiness and self-love first that way you are not reliant on somebody to brighten up your day!

Warm regards,

Donna

What is the best advice you've been given about starting over after a divorce? 

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