"The guilt and anger, the praying and hoping... it's soul destroying" – a reader shares her struggle with infertility

"My husband will be an amazing father (one day) and it destroys me that I cannot make him a daddy."
"My husband will be an amazing father (one day) and it destroys me that I cannot make him a daddy."

In response to our story Here's why South Africans may be having fewer children, anonymous wrote: simply because they can't.

Of course, we should have phrased it "Why South Africans are choosing to have fewer children". Even so, it's small consolation for the thousands of would-be, desperate-to-be parents who have dreamed and prayed for a baby, but cannot.

Here's her heart-wrenching letter:

"We miscarried the first time. There was no heartbeat. I never in a million years thought it would happen to us. Never even considered it when we had the discussion of starting a family. I cried everyday for 6 months. Every... single... day. Usually when I was alone so I wouldn't upset my husband.

A couple of months later we started trying again but nothing. Exactly 1 year later I had scarring removed caused by the D & E and I had a laparoscopy to remove stage 3 endometriosis

We tried again, with no luck. After some tests it showed I had low egg reserves and we went the IVF route. We have had two failed embryo transfers and now 3 years on I have been diagnosed with a rare disease – and due to complications it could be fatal if I carry.

We are now looking for a surrogate and are still hopeful and I know we are blessed to be able to go this route when many cannot afford it. It seemed so simple.

My husband will be an amazing father (one day) and it destroys me that I cannot make him a daddy.

The guilt and anger, the praying and hoping, the failure and disappointment, the heartache and longing month after month after month. It is a soul-destroying process and I wonder how many people give up. I know I have considered it numerous times. I question if we would have a happier life not being so focused on having a child.

I feel guilty for not being happy for those around me that are able to have children. Saying congratulations with a smile on my face when I'm crying on the inside. I am envious of those who "accidentally" fall pregnant, who have a honeymoon baby or fall pregnant the first time. Actually I am envious of everyone who falls pregnant, is pregnant, has a newborn, has a child.

Attending baby showers suck! I have a gender reveal party this weekend.

I never used to have an issue but now it sickens me to hear of those who do not cherish a blessing and abort a life. 

This is our reason for not having children and it could be the reason for many. We cannot have children.

It is not our wish or our choice, but it is one reason, and it's not mentioned in your article, Here's why South Africans might be having fewer children.

We can't!"

Would you like to share your story with us? Tell us by emailing chatback@parent24.com and we may publish it on the site. Do let us know if you'd like to remain anonymous.

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