"August the 1st – and now I can officially say that my IVF is NEXT month.
I won't lie, I have had a very hard week emotionally. Ever since I got the news about my very low AMH level*, everything else seems to be crumbling too. I am finding it hard to feel positive."
[*The anti-Mullerian hormone, or AMH for short, is secreted in the ovarian follicles. The levels offer some indication of the amount of eggs a woman has left.]
"The external forces that impact this infertility journey are overwhelming. I feel like I have it coming from all sides. I am emotionally spent. I am being punched over and over again, bang bang bang. With every blow I fall closer to the ground... once I'm down there, will I ever get up?
I have been doing some research on how to improve my egg quality, now that we know I have a very low ovarian reserve. The conflicting advice I am getting is overwhelming.
One person says I must take Inofolic, then the next person says a multivitamin with folic acid, the next person says I need to take DHEA, my doctor says there is no point in taking Inofolic. One person says acupuncture (which I have done) and the next person says acupuncture does not work. I follow a healthy diet (as much as I can). I have reduced my coffee intake (and I only drink decaf). I don't smoke.
Many articles say that it can take up to 6 months before any difference is seen (if any) in egg quality when taking multivitamins, DHEA, Inofolic, etc. So what's the point if my IVF is next month? I am pumping my body with endless amounts of vitamins and it won't have an effect on my egg quality for another 180 days... seriously? I am literally just peeing it out every day.
I am pulling my hair out!
- Also read: "The guilt and anger, the praying and hoping... it's soul destroying" – a reader shares her struggle with infertility
Does anything actually work to increase egg quality? Do doctors even know? Is there any scientific proof that any of these methods actually work 100%?
There is one tough road that lies ahead for me. It only gets more and more difficult. I wish this journey on nobody. It's been hell. To all the ladies who are silently walking the road too – I feel your pain and your heart's deepest desires!
This is the real truth about infertility, the emotions that come with it and the hard road you have to walk to make your dream a reality – if at all physically possible. There is no sugar coating, no cherries on top, nothing. It just is what it is, a very long and lonely walk with no guarantees of greener grass on the other side. I just hope that my greener grass is closer than what I may think. My feet are raw from walking."
Do you have an infertility story you'd like to share with us? Tell us by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org and we may publish it on the site.
- Male infertility, an open letter: "I had to make my peace with it but it hurts
- LONG READ: Infertility through the ages – and how IVF changed the way we think about it
- Everything you need to know about fertility treatment
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