Bad news, good news

Parent24 Editor, Scott Dunlop
Parent24 Editor, Scott Dunlop
Don’t you hate it when people say, “There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” I, for one, am a bad-news-first kind of person. Well, according to the news, there’s been a “good news/bad news” story about psychiatric disorders. What do you think about this one, for example:

[Note: I have found that one of the best cures for terminal illnesses contracted while Googling symptoms is to turn off the terminal. That’s right: Instead of asking Dr, Google, who always leans towards probable death, simply consult an actual physician.]

The American Psychiatric Association is busy reclassifying old disorders and classifying new ones. According to Health24, one new diagnosis is for “severe recurrent temper tantrums — disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.” These kids could, in theory, then be forced to take powerful medication. Yes, you read that correctly. Your toddler with a tantrum could now be diagnosed as having a disorder- along with practically every other toddler on the planet- And then drugged! What?

Fair enough. Let’s say we go ahead and throw pills at every toddler who rejects sandwiches with the crusts on, it’s only fair if we get to “regulate” our disorders as parents, too.

I’ll happily admit that I’m guilty of the following, yet-to-be-classified, parental dysfunction syndromes:
  • NECPI: Not Enough Coffee Pituitary Imbalance. Symptoms are prevalent at dawn, and include shakiness, grumbling, and a sense of humour failure.
  • RBFROS: Repetitive Bending for Random Objects Syndrome: This occurs as a result of getting so fed up of asking for used tissues/stinky socks/doll’s clothes to be picked up, that you do it yourself, until your spine is as curved as the spiral of a snail’s shell.
  • FLD: False Like Disorder: Described as “The ritual liking of other people’s Facebook status updates and photos of their kids in the obsessive hope that they’ll like yours back”.
  • UMFD: Unexplained Music File Disappearance: Your teen has been listening to one Justin Bieber track, on repeat, FOR A WEEK,transcribing the lyrics, and singing in that off-key way people do when they wear headphones. Who could blame a parent for “accidentally” deleting certain files off the computer or MP3 player? I wouldn’t...
Perhaps the medical profession is under pressure to define every mysterious childhood mood or whim. Sometimes it’s important, in order to treat very real problems, but, occasionally, you have to acknowledge that kids will be kids, and we have to learn to smile and wave... smile and wave...

The good news is, we’re all a little crazy.

What name would you give to your invented parental disorder? Tell us at The most creative one will win a R250 voucher.

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