Truth about the two year gap

My boys are two years apart. And I mean exactly two years apart – my gynae nearly wet herself when she worked out the second conception date and found it to be precisely the same date as the first one.

‘You guys take this two year gap thing quite seriously, don’t you?’ she asked, after she had recovered herself.

Hmmm. The first of many who made fun of us through that pregnancy, mostly centred around the idea that my European husband had displayed ‘German precision engineering where you need it most in a man.’

Well, we were going for a two-year gap and we got it – their birthdays are 4 days apart. As both of us are the product of two-year gap families, the grandmothers were ecstatic, telling us how we had done ‘the right thing’, that now our family was ‘perfect’, that now we were ‘done’.

And then they buggered off home. Leaving us with a newborn, a toddler and a lot of fantastically useful flowers.

But had we done the right thing? Well, of course we had - the boys are beyond fabulous and the notion of not having either of them just isn’t worth pursuing.

In hindsight though, I find the fact that I happily embarked on the second pregnancy without any real sense of how practically difficult it is to have a toddler, a baby and a job, quite frightening.

This is another area where the maternal ‘culture of silence’ has a stranglehold. ‘She’ll find out soon enough…’ we cluck to each other. True, I suppose, but mindbendingly unhelpful.

Looking at the way my boys get on now, and how my life has miraculously regrouped in the last few months… I think I’d do it again. And I don’t think it’s just because I have met my second, and can’t unimagine him, or due to the fabulous smugness I feel about having the two evil pregnancies out of the way.

I just wish I could shake this nagging feeling that I am supposed to have a third...

Read more by Sam Wilson

Want to know more about the two-year gap?

- Pros of the two-year gap
- Cons of the two-year gap

Is this notion of the perfect gap a fallacy?
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