How to parent like a Royal

Prince William is said to be changing nappies, and there are reports that Kate is whipping out her breasts to feed Prince George. If correct, these serve to prove the unremarkable: The Royal couple have had a baby and are now parenting. It’s almost as though the gossip sites are struggling to find anything unusual about this, and, no wonder- having a baby can be terribly mundane.

Ultimate Royal parenting tips

It’s not unthinkable that in a few months a book could be released: “How to Parent like a Royal”. I’m sure Will and Kate are doing their very best to ensure George is achieving all of his milestones, but I’m also certain that they’re feeling much like the rest of us as parents the first time around.

That first day when George was discharged from hospital, we got to see new dad Will blushing in that winsome way he has as he wrestled with the baby seat in the car. My own experience of that day involved muttered curses as I tried in vain to match tabs with buckles. And although Kate seemed to be rubbing her post-birth bump with fondness, it’s almost guaranteed that she’s looking at it in the mirror and feeling a little tense with all of the media scrutiny under which she exists.

There are some new parent experiences that are just impossible to prepare for. Many of us struggle with learning how to hold a newborn without getting muscle spasms for fear of dropping him.  Then there’s the cold-sweat terror of trying to bathe a slippery infant without sending him scudding around the bath like a naked bobsleigh champion.

Cloth nappies? Nothing reduces the most capable of adults to ineptitude like trying to fold them, fit the nappy liner in the correct place and then clip it all together than cloth nappies. Even disposables are tricky, as your baby will likely hold his breath when you’re putting it on, so that the minute you let go, he’ll exhale, leaving it loose enough to pee through. And pee through it he will.

There will be the mad panic as George’s temperature goes up for the first time, or when he gets his first cough. The “is-this-serious-enough-to-warrant-an-ER-visit?” fear. Not to mention the anxiety felt when their baby won’t stop crying for no apparent reason.

Of course the Royals will have all sorts of specialists at hand should they require them, but even that can complicate matters, as one specialist’s opinion is often wildly different from another. So when it comes to teething, rolling over, crawling, first steps and first words, Will and Kate will be just as at sea as the rest of us.

So just how do you “parent like a royal”? You do it the old-fashioned way: By putting on a façade of competence and hoping like hell your kid doesn’t end up in therapy one day.

What would be your top parenting tip for the Royal parents?
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