Don’t eat the poo

I dashed forward, my hand outstretched, and caught the turd in my palm. With the other arm I scooped up the toddler and airlifted him out of the paddling pool. Cue Mission Impossible theme tune.

Our late dog Jenny had a taste for the stinky brown stuff. More than once I saw my toddling naked child poo in the garden, and before I could to get an implement for lifting it, the dog vacuumed it up. Not what the vet ordered.

Every parent of toddlers has their own poo legend.

Sasha’s children were in the bath together when the call went up: “Mommy, she made a poo!” The mother came flying in, removed the offending floater, then was left considering how to get the kids disinfected.

Honey, he made a poo!

People without children are always confused when a colleague starts telling them about their new baby’s poo. But when you’re a parent, your child’s bodily functions become a topic of conversation that never fails to interest. And you’re willing to listen to what other parents have to say on the topic, as long as you get to tell your story the next time.

You’ll call your partner out of a big presentation to tell him the big news:

“Honey, he made a poo!”

“Great, darling, what did it look like?”

“It was less yellow, but still a bit squashy and with those weird white curdy things in it.”

“Well, let me know if he poos again...”

Parents of toddlers will be happy to know that by the time your child is of school-going age you almost never have to know whether they have pooed. That is, except when they accidentally do it in your bed when they have diarrhea. Believe me that it happens.

What’s your worst kiddie poo story? Let’s get disgusting!
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