Kids vs your sex life?

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It can never hurt to offer some love and affection. Here are a few tips and rules...

Look at the circumstances:
If you’ve just found out that your wife has a life-threatening disease, or that she's being retrenched, make an effort to not be the crotch-propelled Neanderthal. Rather offer a surfeit of hugs, cuddles, flowers and other little romantic gestures that men subconsciously regard as the means to an end.

Remember that you’re nothing special:
Look at your circumstances and realise that nearly all couples experience a change in their sexual relationship once they have a child. Having realised that, challenge yourself to change it.

Look at it from her point of view:
Staying at the pub until 9pm, not taking the garbage out and then expecting a hot and nasty grapple later is very male, very insensitive and very damaging. In short, hold up your end of any household arrangements you’ve made.

Don’t be spiteful: In his book Standup Guy, Michael Segell says many men withhold sex as a form of “payback.” They also withhold – perhaps subconsciously – the hugs, touches, and sweet nothings that women need to make them receptive to contact of the more salacious variety. Anger cools ardour, so if you’re sore at your wife for something she did a fortnight ago, either have a discussion about it or grow up and let it go.

Make an effort to keep it up: If you woo your wife into carnal knowledge, then ignore her the next day, she’s likely to feel betrayed. Rather develop a pattern of contact and considerate behaviour. Men tend to think this creates a boring routine. It’s actually likely to turn up the thermostat in the bedroom, garden, laundry, kitchen, or wherever you spend time together.

Get checked out: Consider seeing your family doctor for a checkup. You might find that drinking less, working less and working out have an almost miraculous effect.

Make time to be together one-on-one:
Instead of both sacking out in front of the TV, eat together. Or better still, get a baby-sitter and go out for supper.

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.

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