No fathers allowed

In between last month’s Father’s Day celebrations it was sad to hear that there are fathers who are not allowed to see their children even though they are doing all the right things trying to be there.

I despise fathers who do not want to play a role in their children’s life because they are hurting the children. But this time I would like to have a discussion with the baby mamas out there.

A relationship between two people might come to an end and people have to go separate ways. In some cases there are children involved and ONLY the children will matter going forward. To see women using children to fight their own relationship gone wrong battles using is not fair, especially if the guy wants to be part of their lives.

I understand the bitterness, resentment and anger, but do not let it get the better of you. I heard a lady the other day saying: ‘ I am the way to the kids, if you want the kids you have to want me as well. Ndiyi identity document yababantwana (loosely translated, I am the face of these children).’

Now what is that? I thought that was unfair because here is a guy who wanted to play a role but the mother is standing in the way, playing silly games before he can have access to the children. The end of a relationship is seldom a pleasant situation but if the father still wants to get involved we should not let the anger stand in the way and make it difficult for him.

Building strong children

We are striving to build strong, confident children and they should not be used as pawns in order to achieve our personal interests. Yes, you might want revenge but not at the expense of the children. To hear fathers pouring their hearts out and hearing their pain of being prevented to see their children is just as sad as it is to hear moms talking of their pain regarding fathers who have vanished.

If the relationship iphelile, iphelile ke (has come to an end, so be it), but the children's relationships with both parents should not end. Respect to the dads who are still paying maintenance amidst  those conditions and still explore avenues to get access to their children.

Have you overcome challenges to see and spend time with your children? How should this situation be handled?

Read more by Masanda Peter

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.

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