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As you struggle through some of the challenges of raising a demanding toddler, you might look across at your neighbour with a teen and think they have it easy. Not so.
Experts agree that the toddler stage and the teen stage have a lot in common, and it takes similar skills and the patience of a saint to get safely through both stages. Here’s some behaviour you might recognise.
Tantrums
Toddler version: ‘Noooo, Mommeee! Don’t wanna!’ *Writhes on the floor going red in the face*
Teen version: ‘Why do I have to? You don’t understand anything! *Slams door.*
Sibling rivalry
Toddler version: ‘Mommy, you can take my baby sister back to the hospital, she can’t talk.’ *Tries to carry baby sister to the door by one arm.*
Teen version: ‘Why does she get everything? You never do anything for me, she gets her way all the time. And get her out of my room!’ *Forcibly ejects sister from room. Slams door.*
Fussy eating
Toddler version: ‘Don’t want nasty cereal, want ice-cream!’ *Shoves plate onto floor*
Teen version: ‘Are you trying to poison me? Don’t you know ice-cream is fattening? Haven’t we got some cereal somewhere?’ *Finishes ice-cream, fills bowl with cereal and adds 6 spoons of sugar. Slams kitchen door on exit.*
Toilet training
Toddler version: ‘Wanna make a poo! Wanna make a poo! Watch me, Daddy!’ *Sits on toilet for 20 minutes while Daddy sings ‘Wheels on the bus’, then poos on the floor.*
Teen version: ‘I need the bathroom!’ *Sits on the toilet for 40 minutes listening to iPod. Fails to change empty toilet roll.*
Biting, swearing and hair-pulling
Toddler version: ‘Jackie took my fairy wand so I bit her leg and she told the teacher. She’s a bithcth, hey Mommy?’ *Beams happily as if having done something very clever.*
Teen version: ‘So I said to her, if you don’t change your Facebook status then I am going to make you. I HATE her!’ *Slams door, saying not-so-cute swear word under breath.*
Strategies for teens and toddlers
These two things work for both these age groups, who share a short attention span and a love of shiny things, but are not worth it in the long run:
Experts agree that the toddler stage and the teen stage have a lot in common, and it takes similar skills and the patience of a saint to get safely through both stages. Here’s some behaviour you might recognise.
Tantrums
Toddler version: ‘Noooo, Mommeee! Don’t wanna!’ *Writhes on the floor going red in the face*
Teen version: ‘Why do I have to? You don’t understand anything! *Slams door.*
Sibling rivalry
Toddler version: ‘Mommy, you can take my baby sister back to the hospital, she can’t talk.’ *Tries to carry baby sister to the door by one arm.*
Teen version: ‘Why does she get everything? You never do anything for me, she gets her way all the time. And get her out of my room!’ *Forcibly ejects sister from room. Slams door.*
Fussy eating
Toddler version: ‘Don’t want nasty cereal, want ice-cream!’ *Shoves plate onto floor*
Teen version: ‘Are you trying to poison me? Don’t you know ice-cream is fattening? Haven’t we got some cereal somewhere?’ *Finishes ice-cream, fills bowl with cereal and adds 6 spoons of sugar. Slams kitchen door on exit.*
Toilet training
Toddler version: ‘Wanna make a poo! Wanna make a poo! Watch me, Daddy!’ *Sits on toilet for 20 minutes while Daddy sings ‘Wheels on the bus’, then poos on the floor.*
Teen version: ‘I need the bathroom!’ *Sits on the toilet for 40 minutes listening to iPod. Fails to change empty toilet roll.*
Biting, swearing and hair-pulling
Toddler version: ‘Jackie took my fairy wand so I bit her leg and she told the teacher. She’s a bithcth, hey Mommy?’ *Beams happily as if having done something very clever.*
Teen version: ‘So I said to her, if you don’t change your Facebook status then I am going to make you. I HATE her!’ *Slams door, saying not-so-cute swear word under breath.*
Strategies for teens and toddlers
These two things work for both these age groups, who share a short attention span and a love of shiny things, but are not worth it in the long run:
- Bribery. Offer to swap a handful of sweets for the precious family heirloom before it gets smashed. Now he knows: ‘If I want treats, I should pick up the breakables!’ Teen version: Offer to swap a crisp R20 for her sister’s favourite scarf. You’ll soon be broke, but peace will reign, temporarily.
- Capitulation. The last resort of the exhausted parent, a place most parents end up sometimes: ‘Take it, take it all, yes, go wherever, break whatever, my handbag is your oyster, just let me watch the Super 14 final in peace.’
- Distraction. Offer your toddler your precious charm bracelet or the car keys to play with, and she’ll soon be preoccupied with finding toilets to flush them down. Teen version: Offer your teen the car keys and well... maybe not. Rather show him a new picture of his favourite sports star or teen idol on a website so he stops strangling his sister for a second.
- Patience, understanding and firm boundaries. Easier said than done, but the only way to get through these tricky stages.
