Her paternal grandparents are involved in her life, every step of the way, and her easy relationship with them fills my heart with joy. Her semi-grandparents (my boyfriend’s parents) have fallen so easily into her heart and encompassed her with that same love. A love that I never knew existed as a child, and my daughter has an overflowing moat around the castle of her life that protects her, nurtures her and spoils her.
I often wonder if you worry, in the afterlife, that your first grandchild doesn’t have her grandparents with her. Mom, I want you to know that she still knows she has you. All that’s missing is the physical distance. Do you remember the last day we saw you on that hazy Thursday afternoon, and she cuddled up into bed with you?
She lay there next to you, little head cuddled softly into your neck, and I read her a story.
Mom, it is still exactly like that.
Almost every day, she tells me that she misses you. Almost every day, she mentions your name or asks what you were like. Just the other day she asked if I am anything like you as a mother. I replied "I hope so, sweetheart".
Even though you and Dad are not here to come to the birthday parties, or watch the school concerts, you’re right here in our lives and in our hearts. More importantly, you’re firmly in hers and you always will be. I promise you that she knows that grandparent love.
It’s nearly six years since our family, half-broken from Dad’s cancer but thrilled with the new little bundle of person before us, celebrated her arrival into our lives. I don’t think I will ever forget the look on your and Dad’s face when I lifted her up in the nursery and you had your first look at her. The pride on your face swelled my heart and made my labour-pained body sing with joy.
I hope I make you proud as a mom. I hope I make you as proud as I did at that moment. I hope I live up to the amazing example you are as mother, and I hope I’m raising my daughter to be a woman you are proud of.
Thank you, Mama, for teaching me how to be a mom. If only you were here to witness it.
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