The urge to have settle down with the right partner and have children is often very strong. Of course, sometimes the wrong partners are chosen and there are minor speed bumps in the quest for having a child.
For some of us, the speed bumps are major. I am one such person. I had 2 miscarriages before I was advised by 2 top fertility specialists in Gauteng to have a hysterectomy as my endometriosis was inoperable and the chances of falling pregnant were zero. This was on my 26th birthday.
At the time I was in a very unhealthy relationship and was honestly relieved. Yet 2 weeks later I fell pregnant. The pregnancy was traumatic, 2 major surgeries during the first 4 months, a long labour ending in an emergency caesarean. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. My wonderful son was born.
I found the strength to leave the unhealthy relationship, and went out on my own. I met someone who I believed was a wonderful man and fell pregnant this time with twins, excitement all round, until I lost them and the next pregnancy too. Turned out the wonderful man was a drug addict and we got divorced.
The desire for a child
My need for another child just got stronger. My son was always asking for a brother and a sister. He was tired of being an only child.
Options available to a single mom:
1. a one night stand (dangerous at the best of times, worse with the aim of falling pregnant)
2. asking a friend to be a sperm donor (too many legalities)
3. artificial insemination (too expensive)
All of the main options could all end in another miscarriage; emotionally I could not go down that road.
This is when my little 5-year-old son asks: ‘Why not fetch a sister from the place where the children go when they have no mommies and daddies?’
And so started my road to adoption.
What a battle, so many negatives against me:
I tried local social services and hit a brick wall. The claim that they do not discriminate is just a claim, and there is a serious issue within certain government departments that black children do not belong with white parents.
I started looking further afield, private is no go, due to being a non Christian, again this was discrimination at its best. Judgment due to religion is just as bad as judgement due to colour.
Finally a friend found an article about a wonderful sanctuary – Baby Moses. I emailed them and they replied the next day with a long list of questions, to all of them the answer was no problem:
Do you mind a HIV positive child – No problem
Do you mind a mentally disabled child – No problem
Do you mind a physically disabled child – No problem
And so I was emailed a picture of my angel – instantly she was mine.
I met her at the end of March 2010, it was an instant connection, she walked to me held out her arms called me ‘Mama’, and that was it. ‘When can I take her home?’ was all I could say.
Now the hurdle of home checks by the local social services - a nightmare getting it done. Finally they did the home check and then promptly forgot to send the paperwork to Gauteng. We waited and waited; 2 months is a long, long time when you know your child is there. Finally Gauteng welfare allowed me to take her even though the paperwork had not been sent.
End of May I fetched my angel.
And now the legal battle begins.
Have you adopted a child? Did the process go smoothly?