05 Sep 2019

Rachel Kolisi, Kay Sibiya and other South African parents speak out against gender-based violence

Wendy Anelisa Kobe

PHOTO: JE'NINE MAY www.news.uct.ac.za

“What is happening? Our families are nurturing murderers and rapists, it is in our families. What is it which has gone so wrong?” These rhetorical but necessary questions were posed by Graca Machel while addressing a crowd of students at the University of Cape Town during a memorial service for slain student Uyinene Mrwetyana.

Social media is flooded with comments on the series of violent murders of women and children in our country.

Hashtags like #NoToWomenAbuse #AmINext and #EnoughisEnough skyrocketed after South Africa learned of the murder of the student which quickly followed by news of a series of violent murders of women and children.

Must read: How #MeToo and #AmInext will impact parenting in 2019

Read in the series of Instagram posts below how parents expressed their anger, fear and disbelief:

Loren of Life of Loren & Lottie

View this post on Instagram

Each day i find myself holding her just a little bit tighter..not just because i love her but because i fear for her ?? . . . My daughter..my bright, beautiful, strong, brave, carefree and spirited daughter..like a wild bird we keep you trapped behind the bars of your own home. We clip your wings so that you don’t fly to far. We silence your song that you may go unnoticed. Why do we do this little bird? Surely we should allow you to soar? But you see little bird, little daughter, little woman..it is not safe for you to raise high into the sky, to flap your iridescent wings into the gleaming sun light. Instead you are caged by fear and the fears of a flock of mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts and sisters who cower with you in the dark shadows. We try to shield your eyes, we try to shield your heart but the feathers they still fall..all around us like a blanket of soft, white snow..the feathers fall. Brutally plucked from our exposed bodies, our wings broken, our bones snapped, our calls strangled..violated, tortured and discarded. We turn away, it’s to painful to whiteness..until we too are struck from the sky and all that remains is a flurry of feathers lost on a forgotten breeze..once of a little bird, of a little woman . . . ?? @maddiejanephotography
A post shared by Life of Loren & Lottie (@her.scattered.petals) on Sep 3, 2019 at 7:30am PDT

Kwanele of Xhosa Mom Unplugged

View this post on Instagram

Dear Uyinene, I'm sorry you were sent a parcel. I'm sorry you had to go to the Post Office. I'm sorry you were told to return later and thought nothing of it. I'm sorry you didn't see danger at the post office. I'm sorry you thought the Teller just wanted to help you. I'm sorry you were a woman in South Africa. I'm sorry that men will still find fault in you somehow, they'll say why did you go back later. I'm sorry you died like that. I'm sorry that in a week, they would have forgotten. I'm raising a girl and I'm scared for both our lives. It's crushing. Will it be at the post office, the grocery store, our homes? We don't know. But I'm sorry. ?? #uyinenemrwetyana #restinpeace #prayforsouthafrica
A post shared by Xhosa Mom Unplugged (@xhosamomunplugged) on Sep 2, 2019 at 10:03pm PDT

Lana of Pretty Brave Mom Blog

View this post on Instagram

In a country full of crime, be the CHANGE! YES! I am speaking to YOU! It begins at HOME! Stop abusing your power as a man! Woman and children have rights! I am a WOMAN in business and refuse to tolerate sexaul harassment! As a MOTHER I am raising my Son to respect women! I am WIFE and don't accept any unfair treatment! As a SISTER I will stand up for my SISTERS. I say NO to abuse and violence of any kind against women and children! Enough is enough! . . . #EnoughIsEnough #SAShutDown #Blogger #DurbanBlogger #PrettyBraveMom #MomBlog #MomBoss #Motherhood #Sisterhood #WomenSupportWomen #WomenEmpowerment #SAMomBlogger #SouthAfricanMom
A post shared by Lana Tillack (@prettybravemom) on Sep 4, 2019 at 5:58am PDT

Thando of Modern Zulu Mom blog

View this post on Instagram

I thought I would have the words by now, but I don’t. It’s been difficult to sit with thoughts and feelings of helplessness over these last few days; with a heart that aches for victims and families that have been paralyzed by these feelings for YEARS, not just this week ??. For parents that have had to bury their children or try to make their daughters hopeful about the future after brutal violation. I sit in my little corner feeling fearful and helpless, but I know that won’t cut it, because I need to drive change in my immediate environment, with my very own. As a mom of two boys, I have a lot to think about and a huge responsibility on my shoulders. A responsibility that feels so so big ?? and I don’t have all the answers. My heart is heavy, but I will stand firm in prayer, because there is no skin thick enough for the fear that we have to live through as women and children in South Africa. It is paralyzing and it needs to stop. #stopkillingus #justiceforwomen #enoughisenough #aminext
A post shared by Modern Zulu Mom (@modernzulumom) on Sep 5, 2019 at 2:02am PDT

Also read: IN PICTURES: South African women and children have had enough

Tamryn-Ann of Confessions of a Guilty Mom blog

View this post on Instagram

The country is in an uproar and I have been in two minds whether to comment or carry on. It’s hard you see because to me nothing has changed, what has sparked everyone’s outrage has been happening for years. It is our sad reality, the fear is second nature. I have been a “victim” I’ve had a group of men try to mug me (another man saved me), I’ve had a man climb up one story and attempt to climb into my bedroom window while I was alone and 7 months pregnant (the little man I was pregnant with had woken me with a punch to the bladder) I saw the flashlight and started screaming before he got inside. So while this #aminext and #enoughisenough uproar was inevitable and very much needed I almost feel like shrugging my shoulders and saying yes and? It’s not new and it is horrendous but what can you do? So the reason why I decided to add my 2c is because I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing to do is raise these boys right. I mean I always intended to do so but this is where the change will come. Shaping these wildlings into compassionate gentlemen who value women and treat them with dignity and respect. That is the goal #stoptheviolence
A post shared by Tamryn-Ann Richardson (@confessions_of_a_guilty_mom) on Sep 4, 2019 at 7:11am PDT

Jules of Heart Mama blog

View this post on Instagram

Repost @arisefamilysa Our hearts are heavy and yet we cannot be silent. We weep and grieve with every mother, father, brother, sister, son and daughter who has been affected by such senseless violence. . We need government and every system to change. We need to protect our women and children and it starts with every single person in our country. . We weep and we grieve and say their names while we keep watch together. . We cannot be silent.
A post shared by Jules Kynaston (@heartmamablog) on Sep 3, 2019 at 12:29pm PDT

Laura of Harassed Mom blog

View this post on Instagram

Let's talk about growth and new beginnings today. South Africa is a dark, angry place at the moment. Justifiably so. I just hope that that anger translate it action which will lead to our country healing and growing. It's all very well to express outrage but if nothing changes then the outrage is wasted. My hope is that we do start taking action. My hope is things start to change. My hope is that men dig deep and start growing and realising their role in this. My hope is the outrage lasts for days, weeks, months and years until make it better! On a lighter note, isn't watching seeds grow one of the most satisfying things. Watching my garden grow, makes me so so happy. #7daysofspring #growth #growing #dobetter #bebetter #harassedmom #samomblogger #raisingstrongboys #raisingfierce girls #newbeginnings #spring #mygarden #seedlings #vegetablegarden
A post shared by Laura ♦? HarassedMom (@harassedmom) on Sep 3, 2019 at 8:26am PDT

Also read: Rachel Kolisi celebrates her son’s birthday with a powerful message on raising men in SA

Other parents said:

Parents from all walks of life shared via Instagram in solidarity with the movements and protests happening across the country.

Rameez

View this post on Instagram

"My anger is not a cry for attention It is a cry of pure desperation Angry feminists are not anti-men We are highlighting the war on women " #SAShutDown #AmInext #sayhername #MeToo #femicide #feminist #feminism
A post shared by Rameez Petersen-Maart (@thee_meezi) on Sep 4, 2019 at 10:13pm PDT

Rellabear

View this post on Instagram

#dearmrpresident I woke up this morning,with my daughter by my side. I was so grateful to be able to do this but then reality hit and the fear of being away from her all day and no way of protecting her sunk in. Is she next? Am I next? Is my mom next?My sister,my cousins,my neices,my friends are they next? The girl walking to school alone is she next? The lady selling sweets,fatcakes and coffee at 5AM every morning, is she next?? Mr President, Sir they are killing us:(We are not safe anymore, these streets are not safe anymore, Our homes are not safe anymore. *Our country is not safe for us anymore* #AmInext #EnoughisEnough #Stopkillingus
A post shared by Cherelle Charles (@rellabear) on Sep 4, 2019 at 10:46pm PDT

Shannon

View this post on Instagram

I’ve been pretty quiet on here about the current situation in South Africa, mainly because I just feel numb. I feel angry. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a target. I feel unsafe. I feel sick. I wasn’t going to say anything because I couldn’t sufficiently put into words quite how shook I was. I didn’t feel I could do it any justice. I still don’t. Then today, one of my grade 8 pupils, came up to me with a letter she had written to South Africans. Both the #femicide and #xenophobia in South Africa had scared her. Had affected her. Had put her in a place where she felt compelled to write. She is 13. She should not have to be worried about this. Period. ????????? ????????? My heart broke reading it. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and we both just understood. We both understood that our country is in mourning. Adults and children alike. ????????? ????????? I asked her if I could share it today and she agreed (as long as I put her name alongside her words). Here is an excerpt, I’ll share the actual handwritten letter to my stories. ????????? ????????? “Dear South Africans, Our nation is getting ruined. It is so sad to see mothers and daughters being killed or raped every hour. Why do we do this? Have you [asked] yourself what will happen in the future? What if it is your mom or your daughter who they treat like this? Come on, we can do this. We can save the nation. Fathers, where are you? Do you see what is happening? Stand up for the mothers. “ ????????? Written by Amahle Thwala (13)
A post shared by Shannon Ross (@shan_and_co) on Sep 4, 2019 at 8:54am PDT
Tamryn

View this post on Instagram

I will never forget Uyinene Mrwetyana’s name, her photo, how her friends fought for her to be brought home. My heart is broken for the women of our country, a country so beautiful yet riddled with so much injustice. We must reclaim our safety, our space, our country. The sexual assault and death of our women needs to stop. The discrimination against our women needs to stop. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Post a black and white photo of yourself on social media and copy and paste the paragraph below to join our protest ???? We stand in solidarity with the womxn of South Africa who have been victims of merciless violence. Uyinene was a 19 year old university student with her whole life ahead of her. She could have been me. So we call for justice. We demand change. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. #justiceforUyineneMrwetyana #justicefornene #aminext #iamnene
A post shared by @ tamrynboyd on Sep 4, 2019 at 11:25am PDT

South African celebrity parents were not mum as they shared their support on Instagram. Rugby wife Rachel Kolisi celebrated her son's birthday by sharing her take on raising men in South Africa.

Rachel Kolisi

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Rachel Kolisi (@rachel_kolisi) on Sep 3, 2019 at 12:09am PDT

Listen to what Kay Sibiya who had just welcomed his first child with girlfriend Judie Kama had to say about the violence in the video below:

Kay Sibiya

View this post on Instagram

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! Spent so much time justifying #MenAreTrash If we don’t call out our brothers we perpetuate and cultivate this behavior,we ourselves are trash. #AreYouAManOrMouse #PutYourBoiInCheck
A post shared by @kay_sibiya (@kay_sibiya) on Sep 4, 2019 at 5:24am PDT

Listen to Graca Machel's whole speech below:

Chat back:

Share your story with us, and we could publish your mail. Anonymous contributions are welcome.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred

In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed.

Subscribe to News24

Next on Parent24

FEEL GOOD | 'I finally have my arms around my son': Mom reunites with her son after 40 years apart

29 Jul 2022