Do adulterers make bad parents?


“Why won’t my children forgive me?” wrote one mother who had walked out on her husband and children to start a new life with a younger man. Her sons, still living with her ex-husband, wanted little to do with her and nothing to do with her lover. Time, it seems had failed to heal between her and her children.

One risk of leaving one’s marriage for another is the strain this can create not only with the wronged partner but with the children from that union. 

Parents who cheat on their partners when the children are old enough to understand what’s going on risk alienating themselves from the wronged mate but also from angry children who may feel abandoned. 

The unfaithful parent is blamed for all the unhappiness he or she might have brought on the family. The relationship with the children may strain even further if, during the divorce settlement,  the wronged partner loses family home when everything has to be split 50/50. The children will blame the cheating parent for disrupting their family life.

But is a parent who commits adultery necessarily a bad parent? Not necessarily of course as situations differ from one situation to the other. Each person is different. However, society, the courts and the children of an adulterer not always see the cheating parent in the best of light.  

An adulterer may be perceived to be responsible for:

1. Causing the divorce.
2. Spending time with your lover  
instead of your children and marriage mate.
3. Knowingly destroyed a family life which was a safe haven for your the children , destabilising their lives.
4. Focusing more on one’s sexual needs than the children’s welfare
5. Possibly  causing children  to take sides to support one partner’s version of events

The list goes on. 

Thus, although a parent  who commits adultery may not be a bad parent, the home environment created as a result of adultery may not be in best of the child.

Do you think being an adulterer changes how you parent?

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