Can a sexologist help revive our marriage after we had a baby?

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"The type of sex and how you have sex may change, and it's how couples communication, adapt and give understanding around this that can make a very big difference," explains Boffard.
"The type of sex and how you have sex may change, and it's how couples communication, adapt and give understanding around this that can make a very big difference," explains Boffard.
  • 85% of women reported that low sexual desire hurts intimacy levels with a partner.
  • After childbirth, romantic relationships can often begin to feel the strain.
  • However, clinical sexologist, Catriona Boffard says that having a child should not and does not mean the end of your sex life and/or marriage.


According to a survey by the National Women's Health Resource Centre, 59% of women report that a low sex drive puts a strain on relationships while 85% of women reported that low sexual desire hurts intimacy levels with a partner. 

After childbirth, romantic relationships can often begin to feel the strain. 

The mothers are generally in pain, emotional or experiencing postpartum depression and not in the mood to be physically intimate due to the hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy, after having a baby and during breastfeeding. 

So what mediums are available to parents who have recently had a child and are hoping to revive their sex life? 

News24 spoke to Catriona Boffard who is a clinical sexologist to ask her about how her practice could help partners revive their relationship after having a baby. 

"Having a child should not and does not mean the end of your sex life and/or marriage," explains Boffard. 

"Almost all people will experience distress mentally when they are facing challenges with their sexual health, and very often difficulties with mental health can show up in our sexual health as well," says Boffard. 

Also see: 'It's normal': This study finds having less sex postpartum is a sign of a great relationship

'How you have sex may change'

Sexology is the study of human sexual life and relationships, and sexologists, who study sexology, can use certain tools to help regular people with issues such as their lack of sexual desire or feelings of disconnection, for example. 

Sexologists who pursue careers as sex therapists can use cognitive-behavioural therapy, emotion-based therapy and couples communication techniques as tools for the treatment of sexual problems. 

Boffard says that couples can certainly revive their relationships with the guidance of sexologists, "if the couple does not leave it for so many years, and they both want to work on things and see change take place for the positive". 

"The type of sex and how you have sex may change, and it's how couples communicate, adapt and give understanding around this that can make a very big difference," explains Boffard.

Boffard also emphasises the importance of sexual health in maintaining a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. 

"Sexual health is not merely the absence of illness, but a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality."

"Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence."

She says "For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled."

Also read: Could orgasms set off labour? Answers to common concerns around sex during pregnancy

'This is completely normal'

Boffard also advises couples to be patient with one another and not to acquire high expectations at the beginning of the process. 

"Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence."

Specifically concerning building a foundation in a romantic relationship, a healthy sexual relationship can strengthen a couple's emotional connection, bond and commitment. 

Still, Boffard warns against the misconception that sexual health is easily achieved or that it is the same for everyone. 

"Unfortunately, I think what we see in movies, porn, read in the media and so on, often leads us to thinking there's something wrong with us if we aren't experiencing good sexual health. Everyone will experience concerns with their sexual health at some stage - this is completely normal!"

Do you have questions for a sexologist? Share your questions with us via email at chatback@parent24.com and we will ask an expert for advice. Anonymous contributions are welcome.

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