Make divorce work

We human beings love to unnecessarily over-complicate our lives. We are prepared to destroy ourselves, give our power away, unnecessarily prolong and delay the inevitable.

We swallow the poison and expect the other person to die, so to speak. We are also prepared to do the most unimaginable heinous damage to the very people that we allegedly profess to love and care for so much.

In relation to divorce, separation and family law, who do you want to be? How do you choose to react? You choose your reaction and influence the process.

We will continue to have parents that will continue to abuse not only the system but their children and ex spouses as well. That is, until both biological parents - irrespective of whether you are married or not - automatically enjoy equal, shared responsibility for contact, care, guardianship and maintenance.

As long as we allow outside parties like lawyers and psychologists to take a situation that is already emotionally - and in many instances physically - out of control for their own personal financial gain, we will never be able to resolve this situation.

How do you as an individual take back your own power? How do you work towards the best possible solution, how do you behave as a mature adult?

Mediation is the answer

The answer is very simple: mediation. Mediation - if both parties commit to the process - can very quickly resolve their separation with a dramatically reduced amount of time and money. If one litigates, a win-lose scenario is inevitable. The individual parent can expect to pay anything between R 250 000 to R 1,2 million in litigation and psychological fees over a 5-year period with no guarantee of outcome or success.

Mediation allows for the healing process to begin, it stabilises and allows for reduction in conflict. It allows for facilitated communication to begin. It allows for a win-win-win scenario.

Where it is possible, the parents and mediator can provide a safe place for children to express their wishes and for those wishes to be included in the final outcome.

Mediation allows for a far less emotionally fraught solution to an untenable situation. Where both parties commit, mediation can be concluded in approximately three sessions of around 1½ hours, at a cost of about R900 per individual. The quicker you are able to resolve and move on with your life, the quicker you are able to heal for the sake of yourself and your children - thus truly conducting yourself in the best interest of the children.

Gary Da Silva writes on behalf of Fathers-4-Justice. Read more at

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