Here are some tips to help you steer through this new facet of your friendship.
For the non-pregnant friend
- Don’t say: “It will be your turn soon!” because you don’t know that. It tends to be the default response but it’s not as reassuring as it sounds.
- Also telling her to “relax, it will just happen” is really easier said than done. She already knows this but can’t always put it into practice.
- It’s hard to understand the headspace of a friend who is trying to have a baby if you’re in a completely different space, e.g. getting married, living a single life, being a soccer mom etc. So if she does not want to talk to you, she may feel you won’t understand. Don’t be offended.
- Let her know she has a safe place to talk without judgement or offer of solution. Sometimes she just needs to rant.
- Distract her. Being TTC is a whiny place and can be emotionally tiring for everyone involved. Sometimes being distracted from the problem is better than talking about it.
- Your TTC friend is very happy for you, really she is. But don’t flaunt your pregnancy in her face all the time. Don’t let it be the only topic of conversation. You were friends before you fell pregnant and surely there were other things you spoke about?
- Don’t keep telling her how everyone is falling pregnant and that it seems to be the year of the babies. All you’re doing is reinforcing her feeling that everyone but her is falling pregnant.
- When she complains, don’t say, “Try being pregnant and doing that”. She really is trying to be pregnant and reminding her that she isn’t doesn’t help.
- She is your friend so she will care about you and your pregnancy. Don’t cut her out completely. She will always be there for you and will definitely want to share in your ups and downs.
- Do give her some practical advice. If you’ve been TTC for a while before you fell pregnant you’ll know how she feels. So be a bit sympathetic when she needs to whine a bit and be that crutch when she needs someone to lean on.