Starting over

Sad couple
Sad couple
“I’m sorry, it’s bad news,” said my gynae. No heartbeat. Nothing. Just my 9-week-old foetus who didn’t get a chance to be the happiness we were expecting. I knew it before she even said anything, I didn’t see the flickering on screen that I had read about. I knew it before I even got to her office, because even though they say some bleeding or spotting is to be expected, it shouldn’t have been as much as I was experiencing.
 
The D&C experience (where they remove the foetus and basically scrape out and clean the womb), while not something I ever wanted to experience, was good. Not good in that I enjoyed it but that I had lovely nurses and doctors who were sympathetic, held my hand and let me cry. I was out of there by 3pm. And then we went home, back to square one.
 
I was stronger than people expected. They kept talking to me like I was supposed to be crumpled up in a depressed heap of human on the floor. But I was laughing a few days later and picking myself up. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t cry or mourn or get sad. I did all that, I just didn’t let it take over.
 
People kept saying it would be easy to fall pregnant again after a miscarriage because they “clean your womb out”. Apparently a sparkling clean womb produces babies like you wouldn’t believe. And so I thought, it would be easy, but it hasn’t been.
 
My gynae suggested I wait 3-6 months before trying again even though I wanted to be pregnant the very next month. But it seems things have fallen in favour of my doctor’s wishes.
 
It would seem that there are no hard and fast rules about conceiving after a miscarriage. It’s pretty much the same anxiety and disappointment that comes with being TTC in the first place.

  • There is no definite answer to the question to how soon you will fall pregnant again. It could be one month, it could be 6, or it could be 9. However if it’s more than 12 months since you’ve been actively trying it may be wise to visit your gynae.
  • My gynae advised me to keep on taking the folic acid I took during the pregnancy and beforehand.
  • Grieve. This process is so personal and subjective. It takes as long as it takes. Some people find that they can deal with it quite well but there’s nothing wrong if you struggle with it. It’s a tragic thing. And even though most days I’m okay, I think a little part of me will always mourn.

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.   

Did you suffer a miscarriage? How long did it take you to conceive after?

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