'Nobody knows what to say to you when you've had a miscarriage' - A reader shares her moving story

An out of body experience was what I endured from then on, for a week thereafter.
An out of body experience was what I endured from then on, for a week thereafter.

The struggle to conceive resonates with many of our readers, and here Kelly responds to a story we published 'There was nothing I did or could have done to prevent it': A reader shares her heartfelt experience of miscarriage, she tells her own miscarriage experience.

Read her response below.

Also read: A grieving mom's Twitter post exposes the spooky reality of being an Internet user

Reading your recently shared story on miscarriage that my husband sent me, brought back so many emotions for me.

I could see/feel everything that this woman had gone through.

As I sit here writing (which I somehow just felt the urge to do) tears are welling up in my eyes. On the 2nd of September (coming), it will be a year since I miscarried. A day that I remember far too well.  

From the time I found out I was pregnant, happiness and excitement overflowed in my family's life. Both my husband and I were so emotional at the news and couldn't wait to share it with our family and friends. 

Usually, this kind of thing is not the norm because every woman is told to wait to be safely through their first trimester. For some reason, that didn't stop us from announcing our baby news, but in the back of my mind, I was a little uneasy.  

As life continued, I was sure to be very mindful and cautious of the things I need not be doing, being so strict about what food to eat, even ensuring that when it came to date night, whatever I was ordering was not raw and was suitable to eat.

I made every appointment with my gynae, and all seemed to be on track even up until "the danger zone" (1st trimester). 

Also see: WATCH: Gabrielle Union and 11 other A-list celebrities who have opened up about their miscarriages

The strongest of heartbeats

On our 12 and half week check-up, my husband had joined me so this visit was different. This entire experience was my first and my husband's second, but we were both excited as this would have been the visit where we find out whether our "jellybean" was a HE or a SHE. 

All the necessary tests were done, blood work taken etc. We even heard the strongest of heartbeats, which immediately sent fireworks through the air and made my heart so full. Complete joy filled that room as we saw this little life that had been created moving in my womb. 

A few days later, 4 to be exact, I had woken up on a beautiful Saturday morning, got ready to head out to my hair appointment.

Feeling as if I was coming down with a cold or something but figured this is all part of the pregnancy journey. As the day continued, I started having a lot of discomfort in my stomach and pelvic area, but again thought nothing of it and just told myself not to be such a drama queen.

The pain intensified, however, and so I decided to head to my parent's place to just have a laydown. 

Also see: 'I had an ectopic pregnancy – and my baby had to be aborted'

I woke up to head to the loo, with my bed covered in blood 

Every hour until ten the evening, the pain just got worse and worse until I eventually called my gynae to say I can no longer endure the pain.

He suggested I come in (just to be sure) and he met me there and examined me. All had been intact still and by that my mucous plug was still where it needed to be.

I was given something for the pain and kept overnight for observation.  

I forget the exact time because, by this time I felt I was in a daze, but I know it was early hours of the morning on the 2nd of September, I woke up to head to the loo, with my bed covered in blood! When in the loo my underwear was drenched in blood with a clot the size of a small aubergine. 

My heart sunk! But because I was so drained, I almost didn't deal with it until I woke up for the breakfast call when a nurse greeted me with paperwork for my evac. At that stage, I was completely numb.

I remember asking her to call my husband, and I remember her being so scared to do it. Before I was wheeled into surgery, my gynae asked to see me first and then as if I couldn't feel more broken, he did an ultrasound only to find ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

The image I had in my mind 4 days prior was removed from my mind quicker than a band-aid removed from a cut.The emotion that overwhelmed me, no words could ever explain.  An out of body experience was what I endured from then on, for a week thereafter. 

There is no timeframe in which to get over it

It's true - women don't share their losses. Instead, they suffer in silence.

Nobody knows what to say to you when you've experienced a miscarriage. 

Regardless of what anyone tells you - a miscarriage is a loss! Whether it be in your early stages or even later, the life you created was inside of you, and you carried that life for that duration. 

There is no timeframe in which to get over it, we all process things differently.

It's okay to have bad days. If you can't be vulnerable with yourself, then who?  I hope this story, just like the one I read, speaks to others who have endured loss through miscarriage. - Kelly

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