‘Pregnancy is killing my sex life’

I am 10 weeks pregnant with my third baby. The problem is that this first trimester tiredness is just not much help for a normal active healthy sex life. I wake up okay and, as long as I take the life-saving anti-nausea pills, I am able to function. But, boy oh boy, the energy does not last long during the day.

Being a work-at-home, home-schooling mom with no domestic help means that the day is full of: kids, work, cleaning, washing, dishes, laundry, reading, writing, beading, knitting, maths, check orders, packaging orders, writing articles, more cleaning, answering 7 million questions, stopping the existing offspring from killing each other, making supper and getting them all to bed by 7pm.

After that I am exhausted. My body actually feels like lead, and every possible horny, or even slightly sexy thought, has long since flown straight out of the window. Not to mention the slight and constant nauseous feeling, doing NOTHING to spark any passion at all. This being the third time means that my belly at 10 weeks looks like it did at 20 weeks with the others, which does not help me feel anything but old and fat.

Quick, bank the good sex now!

I know a new baby and the sleepless nights are not going to do much to help once the baby is born.  It feels like a race against time, to bank as much good sex now, as possible. I really hope that the much talked about energy of the 2nd trimester lets me make up for the last few weeks, where I have not made it past 8pm. So much for being a night owl!

I have 12 weeks of the 2nd trimester to make the most of the extra energy, as I know by the end one can be so big and uncomfortable that sex is not always all that easy. All too soon, we are going to be looking for creative positions to compensate for an expanding belly. Besides I am not sure how sexy he will find it later when I am desperate to get the baby out and keep wanting 'let's-try-kick-start-labour' sex. So wish me luck and lots of energy.

I am lucky in that I have the most amazing partner. He is loving and attentive, and when I voiced these concerns, he said my comfort was of more importance to him. He is also not put off by sex during pregnancy as I know some men are. They worry about hurting the baby or are turned off by the changes that happen to a pregnant woman's body. Not him, he embraces this journey with me and for that I am very grateful.

Sex in a loving stable relationship is about so much more than the act though, and yes that sounds a bit cliché, as there is nothing quite like the buzzy after great sex with someone you love. But because is it not just lust and it is built on love, I know that this too will pass and we will have time to get back in the swing of things.

The important thing like always is communication and sharing the journey. Even the bits that are not so good. I am glad I told him how I felt and I know he is not resentful or feeling unappreciated or left out. And as I doze off with his arms around me, maybe not thinking about sex, but feeling safe and loved, that has got to be worth a lot.

How did you find being pregnant affected your sex life?

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.

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