‘I lied; these are not his children’

In Xhosa we say “Ukuhamba kukubona”, loosely translated it means “Travelling opens a window to the world”, but this world I could not have anticipated. What I heard from this married woman shocked me to the core. Her husband is raising “his” two boys BUT they are not his. She is cheating on her husband and the relationship resulted in the kids; her husband is not aware of this, she is still cheating and she sounds like someone with no plans to stop.

I also came across a US study mentioning that more than a million American men are investing their love, time, and money in a child who isn't their own. But the worst part about this betrayal? How many people may be in on it? Unfortunately I did not find an South African studies but I am interested to know how we compare in Mzansi.

"You cheated, now it's my turn"

The lady told me that she has been married for over 10 years and her husband cheated on her with many women – he first betrayed her as she puts it. They resolved their problems and now she says "it’s her time". Yes- she feels no remorse about it. She actually told me that "these children have strengthened my marriage" as she gave birth to boys before they had girls. Her husband is excited that he has successors to carry the family legacy forward.

I asked her about the other man, what if he wants his children one day and she told me that the guy is married and would not risk his marriage for this. They have an understanding: they are both married and neither wants to leave their families; they are having fun and enjoy what they are doing...

How do you live with such a secret? Is this fair to the child? Why not rather leave the marriage and not play with people’s emotions? These were some of my questions but they never really got answered. In her mind, its "payback time" for all the pain she was caused, so she does this with no regret. I told her that "Sisi, you are deep and you are playing with fire!".

"Those kids aren't yours (after all)"

As a father can you imagine the pain you would go through if one day your partner tells you that you are not the father? The emotional investment, the financial investment, the time- I can mention a whole lot of things to try and illustrate my point. I fear for the day that man gets to hear about this lie that "his" boys are not his. I really feel for him and do not believe that this woman can hide this for ever, one day the truth will come out.

Ladies, please let’s play fair! Men may have hurt you but this does not warrant us to be irresponsible in this kind of way. This is a BIG lie that can alter someone’s life forever, not just the man but that of your children, too.

Do you keep secrets from your partner?

Read more by Masanda Peter

Disclaimer: The views of columnists published on Parent24 are their own and therefore do not necessarily represent the views of Parent24.
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