What single dads feel

I had a meeting the other day with the MD of a well-known advertising agency. I guess he’s in his late 30s or early 40s, and he recently became a single dad.

The reason I raise this is because he made an interesting point about how he battled to find appropriate literature about raising kids from a man’s perspective.

‘The only place we guys can discuss parenting or get a guy’s perspective is at the pub, chatting about it under a fun pretence after a couple-a-beers,’ he said to me. I realised that for the average guy, there aren’t that many options open when you’ve suddenly been thrown into the single-parent deep-end of the pool.

Looking at some of the comments by single dads on this site, its clear that some of us battle with the emotional aspects of parenting, and acknowledging, the pain, trauma and fear of becoming a single parent. I think most single dads, whether they were married before or not, at some point, feel ‘screwed over’ by the mom.

Even more of us probably feel so overwhelmed by the responsibility and reality that it’s easier to hand the kid over to the new girlfriend, or grandma or whomever. But, things are changing. Since I began writing this column, I’ve met and experienced several single dads who are showing a surprisingly mature response to parenting.

I find guys asking me questions about my experiences that I’d usually be discussing with my female friends. I think as with all things, the wheel is turning.

As women become more independent and occupy more high profile positions in business, men are being forced, some kicking and screaming, others quite willingly, to step up to the plate and be involved and responsible parents.

Some men feel deprived from seeing their kids and complain how ‘unfair’ the women are.

It might seem like the world is against you, and it’s so unfair etc. The truth is you will only get what you want, when you are ready to deal with it. Once you understand that your love and bond with your child can transcend any negative energy from a woman or anyone else, you will get your wish.

Don’t get hung up on the negatives. Kids grow up too fast.

Do we tend to harp on the negatives and not enjoy our kids?

Read more by Marlon Abrahams
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