Are you desperate for marriage?


Author and radio producer Screen Shot 2016-09-15 at 1.31.57 PM Someone convinced us from an early age that up until we are married, we are not complete as people. Now people are on the perpetual pursuit of ‘The One’, with the ultimate aim of ending up at the altar and her in a white dress. At times, I think some are crazier about that day in their white dress more than the journey that lies ahead. I love marriages that work; I love the stability that comes with marriage, the family structure, the children, the coming together of two families, the meeting of hearts, and the love. It’s all so beautiful. But on the other side of that beautiful thing there’s bitterness, jealousy, infidelity, pain, challenges, ugly fights and ugly break-ups. It doesn’t have to be like that though. And in spite of all the challenges associated with marriage, it still remains an institution many would like to find themselves at. Soon. At times some are desperate to get married, marriage is number one on their bucket list. Marriage is going to be a major achievement to them. You get lucky ladies who are getting married for the second time and they are not even thirty yet, yet there’re some close to forty and still hoping their time will come. Sometimes life is too heartbreaking to be single, sometimes life is just too beautiful to be single and not share that joy with someone. Marriage makes sense in so many different ways, with its soporific routine – it is still to be pursued. You simply cannot be a ‘rockstar’ forever. But you cannot afford to be desperate for marriage or seem to be desperate. Predators will take advantage of that, like a woman desperate for a child, your vulnerabilities are exploited. Guys use that marriage line when they are macking on you. Obviously they do this after gauging you. ‘Uzoba umama wasekhaya’ (loosely translated it means you are going to be my wife), and the sound of that makes the wombs of many start twerking. It gets worse, it’s as if only women have to prove themselves they are marriage-materials. Guys also need to prove themselves they are husband-materials before you get excited when they call you their future-wife. I will not say it was desperation that saw 5 000 women descend to Gallagher Estate to have Pastor Alph Lukau pray for them to be blessed with marriage. Some paid R5000 for this ‘blessing’. You’ve also paid your sangoma lots of money to help you find marriage. I just didn’t know one sometimes has to pay pastors to be prayed for. But that’s a story for another day. I have a colleague who sometimes apologises to his woman by proposing marriage when he’s cocked it up good and proper. Daily Sun reported that there’s a guy in Etwatwa, Ekurhuleni, who sells a special soap for R30 made of herbs, which he claims makes men propose. He also claims the soap is moving like hot cakes. Marriage is a beautiful institution when done right, but desperation for marriage can lead one to all sorts of curses.  

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