Getting into a cycle of ‘break-up only to make-up’ with your man can be addictive. I think it’s times you let go of what you’re used to and be brave enough to find new love.
Author Msizi E Nkosi sheds light on when to know that its really time to move on from and on and off relationship.
One fact about me that often shocks many people is that I’ve never got back together with an ex. Yeah, I’m that guy who doesn’t like going back because before I break up with you, I think about it long and hard. Breaking up with someone is never a spur of the moment thing; it’s too big a decision to make.
But clearly we are not all wired the same.
Almost each and everyone of us knows a couple that’s been breaking up and making up for the last 100 years. Whenever you hear they’ve broken the first thought is, ‘Ag, they’ll get back together again.’ And whenever you hear they are back together again the first thought is, ‘Ag, they’ll break up again in no time.’
They can’t live with each other, and they can’t live without each other. They are stuck in this cycle fraught with distress. It becomes stressful for their friends too, because they have to comfort you during the break up knowing very well that you will be going back to this guy again. And they will be comforting you yet again when he walks out you for the 77th time in a year from now. Eventually your friends just detach themselves from your relationship because they too have to deal with its drama.
You are really wasting each other’s time.
It gets worse – guy gets married and you are demoted to being an on-and-off sidechick. He’s made up his mind about you, he has chosen another woman to marry but you still avail yourself to him. He probably married a woman he dated for just six months, yet yours has been an on-and-off drama-filled romance for the last seven years. What more powerful rejection statement do you want? You are not ‘the one’! If you were he’d have married you. But by hooking up with you even after he’s married, your low self-esteem will lie to you and make you believe he can’t live without you. Of course he can, but you just happen to be that woman who doesn’t mind being his doormat. You are good for his fragile ego. You are a pathetic mess that is good for his messed up self-esteem.
What’s even more heartbreaking, dear sister, is that there’s a guy who’s probably in love you, warts and all, but you are just too addicted to your toxic on-and-off relationship to even notice. You are a Ford Kuga waiting to happen. You are no different from a wunga addict. You need professional help. You need to admit to yourself you have a problem. You have an attachment disorder yet in your disillusioned head you see this guy as a soulmate.
I pray you find the strength to start over. With someone else. Unfriend this guy on facebook, unfollow him on Instagram, delete his numbers, throw away objects that may have a strong emotional connection with him. Seek help.
I wish you healing and love.