How spontaneity, porn & a little self-loving can improve your sex life

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“It doesn’t matter how much or how little you’re getting,” says sex expert Susan Quilliam. “There’s always room for improvement and areas that need more help than others.” Screen Shot 2016-05-17 at 4.31.33 PM Here are tips for improving your sex life: Be spontaneous If you’re scared of doing something wrong, of you’re obsessed with control, or you want sex only when you’re feeling good about yourself or when it’s most convenient for you, then chances are, you lack spontaneity. Try to let go and open yourself up to all sorts of possibilities. “Experimentation reduces fear, so get practising,” says Quilliam. If he knows you’re not a fan of spontaneous sex, he’s probably stopped suggesting it. Blow his mind by telling him to start asking again. Add variety Things can get boring very quickly. Why not invest in some female-friendly porn, or read a sex book like Tracey Cox’s? “In the same way that you’d research different diets, why not experiment with new sexual positions and techniques? Find out what interests you and your partner, and try out those,” advises Quilliam. Engage in foreplay Try not to view sex as the ultimate goal by rushing into penetration – you’ll be missing out on the build-up, which can be sensual or steamy. It could be that you love sex or are keen to please your man, so you go straight to penetration because you think that’s what he wants. Remember that foreplay leads to more arousal and enhances the bond you have with your man, bringing you closer and increasing your pleasure. When you’re in the mood for sex, make yourself wait for 10 minutes. At first, it’ll feel like a lifetime, but soon the main event won’t just be penetration. Slow things down so you can kiss, touch and look at each other’s bodies. Feel good about yourself Sadly, it’s not unusual for women to go through life criticising their bodies and their moves in bed. If you’re constantly putting yourself down and are worried about your looks and your performance, you’ll never really lose yourself in the act. Focus on enjoying the moment, and your mind will drift away from your body, enhancing erotic pleasure for you and him. Find your pleasure zone If you worry about your orgasm to the point of obsession, it could be because you’ve never had one, or you feel pressurised to always have one, or you’re unsure if you’ve ever actually climaxed. This is almost certainly because you don’t know enough about orgasms. Quilliam advises that you get as much information as you can about orgasms. Learn about the difference between clitoral and G-spot stimulation, and which positions are best for each. “Explore yourself; have a night in and practise. It’s the best way to ensure that you have one with your man, and it takes the pressure off when you’re having sex

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