How to ask the dreaded ‘What are we?’ question

A couple in the kitchen
A couple in the kitchen

So, how do share your feelings, voice out your expectations and what you’re looking for without seeming too pushy, eager or clingy? Do you wait till date number three, a month later or from the get-go? Relationship expert Paula Quinsee lets us know how.

•    Before asking ‘what are we?’ as a woman, you must be sure of where you are as a person - both mentally and emotionally. Ask yourself why you want to pursue a relationship with this person? Are you genuinely attracted and compatible or are you going into it for the wrong reasons? The wrong reasons, she explains, include feeling lonely, using him on the rebound or even settling because you’ve been out of the dating scene for too long.

READ MORE: Sex on the first date could actually lead to a relationship

•    It’s good to wait a while before asking ‘what are we?’ because the first few months are the romantic honeymoon phase. It’s a combination of lust, attraction and infatuation, Quinsee says. A good time frame to give yourself is around six months; that’s when you can be sure whether the relationship can be sustainable or it will fizzle out.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Is this the person I want to always speak to and with whom I want to share my day or things that happen in my life?
  • Is this the person I feel most comfortable with and can be myself around?
  • Do I want to spend all my time with this person?
  • If you want to be mutually exclusive until now you were fine with just dating but now you don’t want to see them with anybody else or you be with anyone else.

READ MORE: Five outdated dating rules

In order to have the conversation make sure it’s in a neutral place where you can both be comfortable to talk and are in a good space. Observe the other person’s tone and body language as you talk. This will help you establish if they’re ready for what you want and if you’re on the same page or not.

As the temperatures drop we know the, ‘Hey you’ texts are about to come in. We don’t want you falling into anything that doesn’t serve you.

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