Radio producer and author Msizi E Nkosi helps us deal with men who don't appreciate the effort we put into a relationship. It is heartbreaking watching an amazing woman trying her damnest to please a guy who just does not appreciate it. But women are so strong – they can love a guy who is not reciprocating that love and love him deeply. Somewhere in South Africa right now there’s a group of guys hanging out somewhere and lamenting at how this great woman loves one of the guys but guy is just not that into her. One guy probably adds, ‘I wish I were in your shoes. I’d be marrying her next Saturday.’ She calls him. She texts him. She visits him, and when she’s there she treats him like a king. She loves him. So what’s this guy’s problem? It could be anything hey – maybe he knows something about her that we don’t and to him that’s a big problem, whatever it is. Maybe he’s obsessed with some other woman who’s not interested in him (but interested in some dude who’s interested in some girl). Whew! There is a point where continuing loving this guy no longer means you are strong, where it is safe to call you obsessed; a point where your dignity is being massively compromised, where everyone around you is praying you let go because you’ve wasted enough of your time. This is the point where you are just humiliating yourself over and over. You’ve done all you could. There are ways of dealing with a guy who won’t recognise and love you the way he should. Firstly, maybe the problem is you are breathing down his neck heavily and suffocating him. Give him a bit of space; stop calling all the damn time; go to gym; go on dates with your girls; look really good, if you can afford it – revamp your wardrobe; turn him down once or twice since you now have a life; occupy yourself with fun activities. Remember to be subtle, you don’t want to be too obvious. It’ll make you look pathetic. If all that fails – please LEAVE. Don’t allow yourself to be bitter, he wasn’t meant for you. People reach that place eventually – a place where they are at peace with the efforts they made and they leave peacefully. This is a river of No-Return. Once they get there, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change their minds. You’d think you are talking to a different person. Actually, she’s a different person now. She’s a woman you no longer have a hold on.
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