How to overcome power struggles in your relationship

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With growth comes success and independence but how do you not let it ruin your relationship? Here’s what you can do.

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Be mature

Respect is the golden rule. You can get used to the idea of equalty by seeing the two of you as people with your own desires, opinions and interests that need to be respected. Balancing out each other will ultimately result in a healthy give-and-take relationship.

Tackle the root problems

Issues of power struggle often come from early childhood experiences. Psychologist Dr Lisa Firestone mentions on Psychology Today that individuals are often attracted to those who represent their childhood roles. Growing up having to fend yourself can lead to you wanting to control everything and everyone, including your relationships. If this is the case, make your partner aware of It – it can be changed, only if the both of you work at it.

Avoid manipulating each other

You need to know that the two of you are a team and there’s no right or wrong when it comes to team work. Dr Firestone says that you need to find ways to get your point across without making the other feel less powerful. Instead of shouting what you want, rather show it through elusive behaviour. This way you’re able to come with a viable solution without feeling overpowered by the other.

Create a contract

It might sound a bit extreme, but it works. State how you’ll respond during arguments, what words to use and what kind of behaviour will not be tolerated. Take time to each contribute content to the deal and agree that should you not adhere to the contract then you break up.

Fair power

According to the equity theory, it is predicted that when you over or under-benefit in a relationship you’re most likely to have an unhappy relationship, hence there has to be a balance. Over benefitters end up feeling guilty and shameful. Whilst the underbenifitters develop anger and resentment. Both of you must equally give as much as you take from the relationship.

Back to basics

If you two go way back then it’s always a good idea to look back at how the relationship was before the money and success. You will see that all that mattered was your love and happiness. So having your relationship based on, money power and success is petty. Go back to the basics and love each other the way you did when you had nothing.

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