Learn to strike a balance between your bestie and your man so no one feels neglected. According to relationship expert Judi James, it’s common for a friend to try and sabotage your relationship. “It doesn’t mean that she hates your man,” says Judi. “It’s just a natural reaction to her anxiety about losing her closeness to you.” Here are signs that your bestie is trying to create a rift between you and your man – and how to deal with them. She’s negative She says: “Oh my God, I can’t believe he stayed out all night and didn’t even text to say where he was.” Her mission: She’s drip-feeding negative thoughts so you see your man differently. Defend and protect: She’s not doing this because she’s evil. She just doesn’t want to lose you. If you know your man’s decent, this tactic won’t work, so just laugh it off. But if you’re worried about your relationship, then little digs like this can start to eat away at you. So stop telling her everything he’s done. She wants you to flirt She says: “That hot guy at the bar just told me he thinks you are gorgeous. You should go over and say hello.”? She knows that you’re in a relationship, but doesn’t stop her from trying to pimp you out to a guy and encouraging you to flirt with him. Her mission: She’s simply remembering what you used to do (the kind of fun the two of you used to have – flirting) before you got coupled up, and she wants things back the way they were. Without even realising it, she’s testing you to see how strong you and your man really are. And, once your bae finds out you are flirting with other men, it will create problems in your relationship. Defend and protect: Don’t get angry with her. Just tell her that you’re so loved-up you don’t even notice other guys at the moment. Then smile and tell her to go for it. Turn the situation around by helping her look for men who are checking her out. She blackmails you She says: “I know you and your man are having a night in tonight, but I don’t want to be on my own. It’s the two-week anniversary of my break-up...” ?Her mission: The more she sees you moving away, the clingier she’ll become. She knows how to make you feel guilty. This can sabotage your relationship, especially if you start cancelling on your man or inviting her to everything. She’s jealous of the emotional bond you have. Defend and protect: You need to be firm. Tell yourself, ‘I’m going out tomorrow with my man; I’m entitled to do that and I am not doing anything wrong. The best way to deal with her and the situation is to switch your phone off so she can’t contact you. Then make plans to see her on nights you are free to reassure her and make her understand your relationship is also important.
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