ManOhMan: Love shouldn’t hurt

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Screen Shot 2016-12-21 at 12.22.16 PM I braced myself for terrible news, all sorts of thoughts were racing in my head. “Babe, what’s wrong? What happened?,” I asked, walking towards her offering a hug. But my offer was declined; she gently pushed me away. I knew whatever made her cry was about me. I started thinking about what I could have done in the last few weeks. Our relationship had started as a fling but the last six months things had taken a serious turn, we were planning a future together. I had stopped entertaining other women like I’d been whilst I was single, or thought I was single. “Your girlfriend Refilwe insulted me.” “But she is not my girlfriend.” I meant this. “But why has she liked almost all your pictures on Facebook? Why is she always commenting on your stuff? Why does she call you pet-names?,” she asked. She’d decided to start a conversation with Refilwe and came out second-best in a war of lyrical missiles. I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. A part of me was intensely agitated, I had to defend myself against such an accusation which was a figment of her fertile imagination. Refilwe and I were not anything but ex-flirts. But bae couldn’t believe that entirely. She’d been stupid by even making contact with her. I left her in the lounge and walked to the balcony to smoke. Tears were trickling down her cheeks. It’s a mistake guys make – taking a woman’s insecurities for granted. I’m learning that if I claim to lover her, it then becomes my responsibility to navigate her out of the insecurities she may have about the relationship. Too many times we choose other women, women who are not even our girlfriends, over our wives and girlfriends. If she hates that b*tch, then do not flirt with that ‘b*tch.’ That’s if peace means anything to you. But there’s also a thin line between nursing a woman’s insecurities and being a victim of emotional manipulation. If you ban your guy from talking to certain women, you better have a damn good reason to support your demand. I’m struggling to think of many such reasons other than a woman he cheated on you with, or that woman who intentionally disrespects you by the way she talks with your man. In which case, he must reprimand her. Tell her he’s not single, tell her only one woman calls him ‘babe’. Perhaps it wouldn’t get to that if trust issues were resolved. I’m not sure how far your guy can go to earn trust he’s abused in the past. Should he give you his phone for a week? But his privacy will be severely compromised. Do you want his password for a month? Still, his privacy is violated. But maybe if he’s abused your trust, he has to earn it back by being willing to have his privacy compromised.

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