Performance vs Pleasure


We’re all guilty of it - we all want to achieve certain sexual goals, and we’re all determined to help our partners get there too. This pressure does not marry well to sexual pleasure. Goal-orientated sex – that which focuses on achieving desire, getting turned on and reaching the big O – can be quite exhausting sex, and it can detract from the pleasure that we experience and share with our partners.

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It’s time to shift your thinking from goals (performance orientated sex where the genitals are the focus point) to just having sensual and erotic sex (where we include the whole body for pleasure orientated sex).

Catriona Boffard, Durex Sexologist shares tips on how we can shift our focus from performance to pleasure.

Try not to focus on orgasm as the end point or getting aroused at the start point

Focus instead on sensuality and pleasure – think of it as enjoying the journey rather than getting overly excited for the destination. Pleasure-focused sex enables you and your partner to enjoy the moment, enjoy the intimacy and enjoy each other’s attention.

Start by giving your partner an erotic or sensual massage

Maybe by using a massage lubricant, which can help to make a sexual experience far more sensual. Learn which of your partner’s erogenous zones (such as their neck, feet or inner thighs) are their ‘hot spots’ and use your hands and mouth to bring them pleasure here by really getting back to skin on skin contact.

When we shift the focus from performance to pleasure, we often find that the sexual experience is heightened and far more satisfying to both partners. Once we shift our focus, the experience becomes much more a reflection of intimacy, connection, eroticism and arousal. Sex can be much more fun when there is less pressure on you both to perform.

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