Self sabotage in relationships

accreditation

Sometimes it’s not that every guy you ever dated is useless, the problem is that you may be deliberately sabotaging your relationship because you feel you don’t deserve to be loved.

Screen Shot 2017-03-14 at 4.31.16 PM

There are many reasons why some women do this. Here are few. Seek professional help if you spot yourself somewhere in here.

Protecting yourself

When a women isnt completely transparent to her partner, they build a certain wall of protection that they assume will save them from a heartbreak. Choosing to love half heartedly and not showing affection to your partner because you think he might take it for granted like your previous lover did is unfair and should be avoided as it can deprive you of happiness.

Too critical of yourself

Growing up and being told that you’re ugly and no man would fall for you can stick to your mind to an extent that you end up believing it. Pschologist Dr Robert Firestone mentions in his book : Critical inner voice that thinking that your partner has an ulterior motive for being with you makes you end up being defensive for everything and rejecting his love. This is also a sign of low self esteem and it usually results in being lonely not because you cant find a man but because you think you’re not worthy of being loved.

Control freak

Having someone take care of you is a big issue for control freaks. Feeling as though your partner is taking your power and controlling your life because unlike when you’re single you now have someone who nurse you back to health when you’re sick or carry your heavy bags, this is quiet normal in relationship you should let your man do, it wont mean you’re less powerful. And also you can’t prevent problems by controlling his every move, it’ll just kill your relationship.

Focused on the negative

Marth Baldwin Bevidge author of the book Self sabotage: how to stop it & sear to success mentions that people who always expect the worst often miss the good things that are happening in the relationship, they forget to live in the moment mainly because they believe a relationship cannot be that great; always fishing for a flaw that don’t exist.

For those who think they might potentially be sabotaging their relationships Dr Roberts Firestone suggests that you approach relationships with an open and positive mind. Past experiences will not determine the success of your next relationship.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For only R75 per month, you have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today.
Subscribe to News24