Sophie Lichaba on what makes a healthy marriage

Sophie Lichaba
Sophie Lichaba
Bongani Mndaweni

What’s your perfect Valentine’s date? 

Valentine’s Day should be every day for people who love each other. Everybody does dinner, flowers and chocolate, but what makes the day exciting for me, is spending quality time and doing something different, such as taking a drive. We’re all busy and our minds are always somewhere else. So taking a drive into the country, just the two of us, feels more romantic than having dinner. I have that every day. 

READ MORE: Sophie Lichaba on leading the cast of Lockdown and life in the public eye

What are the three essentials of a happy relationship and why? 

Loyalty, because it’s everything. When you have loyalty, you know where you stand, without them even saying they love you. It means I can depend on you at any time, and you’ll always be honest with me. 

Love, because it is such a precious thing. People often use the word like they’re saying hello. You can’t say you love someone you just met before you’ve spent quality time with them. The love of God is beyond anything; it’s unconditional and comes with no rules. It’s just love. This is giving who you are to the person.

Consistency, because you need to be consistent for me to believe that you truly love and are loyal to me. You can’t behave like the Cape Town weather [chuckles]. 

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Today we celebrate 2 years of our marriage.???? God is amazing. ??The devil tried everything!!! But mercy said No.... Today I'm alive thanking you Lord that we've survived it all through your mercy. Continual Attacks on our marriage because the human devils just wont stop and dont give up. Thank you Lord for keeping loving blessing us in The midst of it all. Today since before you Lord and witnesses we signed and agreed this is forever no matter what.!?? we cannot stop thanking you for showing those devils that you are God our Father Jehovah who saved my life again from a fatal accident yesterday. I walked out without a scratch. You answer prayers of protection in advance ... because our miracle is you saved me and I walked out like Jesus would without a scratch!!!!. Today we celebrate our marriage and life. I pray in Jesus name that our God continues to show up and show those ever confident devils that my God our God has the last word. God of Abraham Jehovah jireh we thank you We love you We give you all the Glory and the honour. Jeremiah 29:11-13 I still and forever will stand.on your promise Lord?? My husband I love you and Pray we continue to put God first in our marriage and remember we are nothing with God. I pray that we remember what love really is amazing & exciting and we both remember that ** I love you ** that we should never take it light ..it speaks leaps n bounds ?? love you . You know after God you are my heartbeat my love... My life ...the father of our children. ?????? love you ??

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How has marriage been like for you in the past two years? 

The support my husband has giving me from day one has been amazing. He doesn’t understand everything, but he tries. It’s as good as it gets. I’ve had to fight to ensure that I don’t become a burden to my own family. I’ve had to educate them (about diabetes), and as a result they’ve changed their diet for me. Eighty percent of the time my husband drinks everything with no sugar, and that means a lot to my marriage and life.

It hasn’t been all roses though, especially because of my diabetic condition. We still have girls, who may have dated my husband, send the nastiest messages like, ‘Did you leave me for her?’or ‘How do you lie next to someone like that?’ or even, ‘Aren’t you worried she’ll die in her sleep?’ And they continue to do it regularly. But, I’ve become immune, and remind myself that I’m dealing with human beings. I can’t control other people; I can only control myself. 

READ MORE: Three ways to deal with conflict in a relationship

What’s your advice to women who are trying to find love after 40? 

Be yourself. I married a younger man, but sometimes it’s not about age, it’s about the person you are. I reminded him of his hard-working mother. I was a self-made success and a single mother for many years. I did it all on my own. 

The second thing would be to understand your man. That’s the best way to start.

Don’t forget to give and do things to keep your relationship exciting on a regular basis. Men are like children, and the minute you understand that, it’s easy: you must just spoil them. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. 

Lastly, take care of yourself and look good. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, you tend to forget to take care of yourself.