Without beating about the bush, it’s very real that some women are married to, or are in a relationship with a man who has sex with men. Often they have no idea. And when they discover this, or even just suspect it, they can feel extremely lonely, isolated, confused, rejected and scared. The sad reality is that you’re not alone; there are many other women going through the same thing. Sharing feelings with such women, one on one or within a support group, can ease the pain and can be an excellent source of information and advice. Of course, you are at an increased risk of HIV if your partner is having sex with anyone else, whether male or female. It is unsafe sex – unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse – that carries the risk of contracting HIV. But if you think your partner has other sexual partners, you need to exercise your right to safety. As yourself these questions: Is he practicing safe sex? If you suspect he is seeing other people and is sleeping with them, don’t sit and do nothing just because you’re the wife or steady partner, and he always comes home to you. By sleeping with other people, he is putting you at risk and your family in great jeopardy. If you want to avoid a confrontation, bring up the safe sex topic and be straightforward about how selfish it is for any partner to put their and their wife’s life at risk. That way, you neither encouraging, nor approving of his infidelity. Do I want us to practice safe sex? You have every right to be safe in your relationship. Tell your partner you want to use condoms again. Some men will give you the old age answer about you cheating on them to cover up their infidelity. You have to be prepared to fight for this, and don’t let up no matter what accusations he makes or excuses. If he has nothing to hide, he must prove it by going for a HIV test. Can I talk to him about these issues? Infidelity is the number one relationship killer. But, some women stay in such relationships for many different reasons. If you’re one of them, it’s imperative that you raise the issue. Bring in some help from a relationship therapist if you can’t handle the conversation by yourself. If you don’t fight for your rights, you put yourself at risk.
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