Radio producer and author Msizi E Nkosi dishes out the harsh truth about why we need to stop investing in hopeless situations. Women are normally brilliant at this faith thing. A woman would have faith over a completely lifeless situation, but women stay. You stay in relationships where everyone around thinks you should leave. It’s not because women with so much faith that a man will change are less intelligent, trust me I’ve seen the most intelligent women turn into hopeless retards when it came to matters of the heart. Sometimes it’s that innate nurturing instinct. Women love ‘projects’, project-lets-fix-him. Ncooah, it comes from a beautiful place, but often it’s a gesture offered to unappreciative fools. I know this too well, in the depths of my alcohol and drug binge, there was a always a woman who genuinely cared enough to stay through all the messy existence because they believed in their hearts they could make me ‘see the light.’ I believe some were more in love with the idea of me at my full potential. Eventually, they became victims of their own romantic optimism. It takes selflessness and patience to be that kind of woman, and oh it is endlessly beautiful if it ends with ‘they lived happily ever after.’ Isn’t that the high everyone is chasing? Sometimes the craving for that high takes us into unfortunate places that leave us permanently scarred. There are women who are specially attracted to seriously broken souls (everyone is broken in some way, I believe), it’s for psychologists to expatiate on the mental and the psychological reasons behind such choices. What I know from human experience and observation is that people change, and that in some situations, contrary to popular belief, a woman can help a guy change and become a better person. Some of my exes upgraded me – by believing and inspiring me to work hard, by just supporting me, by introducing me to Basmati Rice, by teaching me to forgive, by helping me make better and cooler fashion choices, by teaching me more about God. Yet, sometimes you can only do so much. There need to be a strong will from the person you are ‘saving’, willingness to do better and acknowledgment of just how their actions are hurting the relationship. Guys have a knack of hurting the very one who believed in him. Every guy you meet is messed up in some way, the trick is to know which mess you can live with, and which mess you can realistically ‘sort out’. And very importantly, which mess are you not emotionally and psychologically capacitated to live with.
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