Fear of being dumped could be killing your relationship

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Image: Getty Images
Image: Getty Images

Researchers Simona Sciara and Giuseppe Pantaleo of the Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Italy dissected the topic of whether or not fear of a relationship ending could actually lessen love and cause a break-up.

In their study, published in Springer's journal Motivation and Emotion, Sciara and Pantaleo found that participants' romantic feelings and levels of commitment towards their partners were more intense when no mention was made about the possibility that their relationships could end. Romance and commitment diminished when they heard that there could be either a high or low risk of a break-up. When participants were told that there was only a moderate chance the relationship would end, commitment was stronger.

While there may be solid reasons making you think your relationship is about to reach it’s expiry date, there may be other forces at work too. Here are some of the things that may be causing your worries:

You could be suffering from an anxiety disorder

We all have some level of anxiety. It’s supposed to help us sense danger and react accordingly. But, once you find yourself constantly worried about what other people think of your every move, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. With the help of a therapist, you may overcome this.

You’re avoiding the real issues

Ending it would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe there are some issues that are making you question your union, or maybe you are totally misreading your partner. Either way, sitting down and talking about it can clear up a lot of things.

You like to self sabotage

If you are thinking your partner does not want to be with you and it’s only a matter of time before he dumps you, then you need to think, why? If you don’t have any concrete reasons, it may be just that you’re self sabotaging – ending your relationship before it actually ends.

You're insecure

It’s true that we are not always sure of ourselves all of the time. But becoming too insecure in a relationship can have you easily thinking that you’re not good enough, and assume your partner is going to leave you at the first opportunity he gets. It may be time to figure out why you feel insecure about certain things; ask yourself the difficult questions and get to the root cause. It will be uncomfortable and you may need professional help from a therapist, but getting the help you need may be the most freeing feeling for you.

You’re being abused

Sometimes abuse is not as blatant as we think. It’s sneaky and manipulative and will have you worrying constantly. Over time an abuser can work you down to the point where you have to anticipate his needs and actions, and have no identity of your own. In a relationship you should be allowed to talk and express yourself.

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