Surviving infidelity: 5 steps to re-establish trust

AKA and DJ Zinhle
AKA and DJ Zinhle

Zinhle and AKA are trending yet again. This time, it’s because of a picture of the two, kissing at SuperMega's #AKAOrchestra event this past Sunday.

This incident follows Zinhle’s posts on social media, where she is gushing about how “her man” gifted her with three sets of Louis Vuitton boots, worth about R25 000. "Clearly my man doesn’t want me to get cold because all the boots I own he bought. So I ain’t getting cold this winter," she told fans.

So naturally, followers have been sharing their opinions about what seems to be a “love back” situation.

We spoke to relationship expert Paula Quinsee, who share shares careful ways of surviving infidelity.  

1. Evaluate what went wrong in the relationship

You just don’t wake up one morning and decide that you are going to have an affair. You must come together and figure out what measures must be put in place to ensure that that does not happen again.

READ MORE: What being a woman means to the TRUE LOVE team

2. Be forgiving

Once you have understood where the problem started, and both of you have decided that you want to move forward – the forgiveness and healing process needs to start. 

Sometimes forgiveness involves forgiving yourself, as well as forgiving your partner, the person that had the affair. It can take up to two years to rebuild the trust in the relationship.

3. Communicate

During the healing period, communication is required from both of you so you can begin to rebuild the trust. For example, the person that had the affair needs to reassure their partner that the affair is over, that they have no contact with the other person, and that they are fully committed to making things work.

At the same time, you must give your partner that had the affair the benefit of the doubt, and trust that they are sharing what they are doing.

4. Your behaviour needs to mach up to your words

Do not just say things to appease your partner, or for being scared to rock the boat. Transparency and honesty are key in this process. At some point, the partner that was cheated on needs to let go as well.

READ MORE: Is he stringing you along?

5. Rebuild the relationship

Make your union a priority again – schedule date nights so that you can bring the romance and intimacy back into your relationship. And remember that intimacy doesn’t always mean sex. In this case, it means feeling close to your partner and that you’re both on the same page. It’s the little things that you plan and do for each other.

At the beginning of the process, Quinsee suggests that as a couple, you find a professional to help you work through the situation. She also cautions against asking for blow-by-blow details concerning the infidelity.

Whereas some people feel they need those gory details to make sense of events, others are not willing or ready to hear the answers. However, the partner that cheated must be willing to be transparent with details should they be asked about it.

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