What to do when you want it more


A shift in roles

Men are usually applauded for thinking and acting on it all the time, but we frown upon women who have a high sex drive. Well, things are changing, and we are here to tell you that you’re not a freak for wanting to make love with your man all the time. 

When a couple has mismatched sex drives, it can cause tension and sexual frustration. Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says, “When it comes to doing the ‘deed’, sometimes our partners are just not in the mood and that’s okay. We all have ‘off’ days. Other times there may be contributing factors such as stress at work, a bumpy patch, or your libidos are not totally aligned.” 

Tell him what you want

If you want sex, ask for it. If you’re unsatisfied in a relationship, communication is crucial. Most women don’t ask because they’re afraid of rejection or making him feel worthless. So how do you go about raising this issue with your partner in a manner that won’t cause conflict?

Communication is key

According to relationship therapist Louis Venter, “the secret is to understand each other’s sexual stories and to learn how to talk to each other about sex in vulnerability and kindness; to ask for more sex in a way that steers away from blame and shame and contribute to feelings of intimacy and connection.” 

Be clear with what you want

Venter adds that it’s equally important to give a clear definition of the “more sex”. “In my experience, it is always more than ‘more’. When they say ‘more’, women often mean, ‘I want you to initiate sex’, ‘I want us to be more playful’, ‘I want us to have sexual conversations’, ‘I want us to have sex three times a week’ and ‘I want you to desire me.’ The clearer you are, the less room there is for misinterpretation.” 

Create the desire

Generally, it is men who initiate sex. When your man’s not making any moves, there could be several factors leading to that, such as stress. To help him relax, maybe give him a back rub. We all know that stress is the biggest challenge when it comes to arousal for men. While he’s at work, send him a seductive picture of yourself or a flirty text. That way, he’ll be thinking about you all day; he’ll look forward to meeting you at home. 

Explore new stuff

Spicing things up in the bedroom might be something your sex life needs to bring that groove back. So it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and get creative. Try something new:  introduce sex toys, watch porn together and prolong your foreplay.  If you go the sex-toy route, make sure you are both comfortable with what you intend to do with them. 


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