Can this Uber driver go slower? Jis, I’m glad I wore black. It’s still not too late to bail is it?
Anxious thoughts overwhelm me.
I walk up the steps to the rooftop bar where they said they’d wait for me. I made sure to be fashionably late. Something I almost never do. But I guess there’s a first time for everything.
I poke my head out of the door to look for them on the stoep – it’s summertime and the Mother City is showing off with some extra glow.
There they sit: Mr Handsome and Miss Cutie. He’s Dutch (33) and she’s Turkish (25).
Immediately relieved, I settle in and he orders some white wine. We spend the evening drinking, laughing, talking about their trip to South Africa, his business and her feminist studies – and only later delve into why we’re all together on a date, the three of us.
Why was I here? The unknown simultaneously terrifies, yet intrigues me.
They tell me they’ve never met up with someone outside their two-year relationship, but are both interested in experimenting. This, I already knew from their Tinder bio, but she has always wanted to be with a woman; and now, she wants it to be along with her boyfriend.
“The woman who owns the Aibnb where we stay, she’s like 45, but she’s so hot,” Miss Cutie tells me as an aside to a conversation.
The idea that it’s ‘always the guy’ asking for a threesome is no longer (nor was it ever) accurate.
She smiles and her big brown eyes light up, while he pushes up the sleeves of his linen shirt, exposing his muscular forearms. All the while, I feel conscious of them looking at me.
They want me, it’s palpable.
A lot of straight couples create profiles on Tinder, switching their settings to ‘interested in women’. But there are also sites like Threesomes, a local website that caters to multi-sex needs and experiences. Couples are not only exploring the idea of adding a third to their bedroom play every now and again, but are sometimes even open to dating a third on a regular basis.
A 2017 study, ‘Heterosexual Young Adults’ Interest, Attitudes, and Experiences Related to Mixed-Gender, Multi-Person Sex’found that young people are way less judgmental about others engaging in multi-sex setups than ever before. But will the fantasy match the reality? Could a ménage à trois harm a perfectly happy coupling?
While for others, like Mr Handsome and Miss Cutie, they see the entry of a third into their relationship – whether short or long-term – is a welcome addition, a way to spice things up. Is having a threesome the 2019 equivalent to wearing one of those ridiculous French maid outfits?
The evening matured, and we find ourselves piling into an Uber – heading back to their place.
The date went well.
Our evening together didn’t come without restrictions, though. Miss Cutie tells me that they have some rules: I can’t have all of him, but can have all of her. Because it’s their first time, they protect themselves by easing into a world they are not yet quite sure will disrupt or strengthen them as a couple.
But it was all ‘harmless’. I didn’t get a peek into their relationship. It wasn’t about that. It was a consensual multi-partner experience that was horizon-broadening, intimate and pretty much devoid of any feelings.
For all three of us, it was worth risking the fantasy for unexpected gains in reality.
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