'I called off my engagement after 30 days in lockdown with my fiancé'

Illustration. Photo by Getty Images
Illustration. Photo by Getty Images

Bianca* was engaged to her then-fiancé for five months, and they were set to get married in December 2020.

For a while, things had been going well between the 28-year-old and her fiancé until Covid-19 hit.

Here is Bianca's story:

We've always lived apart, but we decided that we would quarantine together at my place. We've always had sleepovers, so we didn't expect much to change this time around.

READ MORE: 'My boyfriend broke up with me on the night the president announced lockdown, here's how I’m coping'

Little did I know that 30 days of being under the same roof would lead to calling off our engagement and saving me from marrying the wrong person.

The first week of being under lockdown together at my place was terrific. We cooked together, watched our favourite shows, and just enjoyed spending time together.

We worked in separate rooms and would have lunch together in the patio. Our routine worked, and it was such a delight having him around.

One evening, it became apparent that he did not respect my career. I'm an art director for a beauty and lifestyle brand, and he is a financial advisor. On that specific evening, he told me that he doesn't understand why we need to take turns cooking because my work isn't as demanding as his because all I do is "create mood boards for photoshoots."

His tone was condescending and dismissive.

READ MORE: Struggling to find love in this lonely time of Covid-19? Why not pay an expert to do it for you?

I was utterly shocked at the things he said and felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me. Who was this man that I was living with, and how could he disrespect me like this?

But I didn't say anything. I had an important meeting on the following day, dinner to cook, and I couldn't face such a serious conversation. In a non-cohabitating situation, I probably would have broken up with him right then (it was that bad) or taken time to re-evaluate our relationship seriously.

I did neither of those things. I told myself that I could change his mind sometime in the future and left it there. We went to sleep that night as usual. 

READ MORE: Woman shares how Tinder boyfriend’s ‘worst ever’ marriage proposal eventually led to their breakup

Unfortunately, similar situations played out over and over again in the coming weeks. He eventually stopped entirely helping around in the house, and his other excuse was that he bought the groceries; therefore, he didn't need to do anything.  

On day 30 of the extended lockdown, I sat him down and voiced out my concerns and worries regarding his remark and his actions of late. He was quite nonchalant about it and didn't see anything wrong with how he views my career. 

READ MORE: 'I fell in love with my cousin's fake boyfriend, they were trying to make her ex jealous' - Woman married 28 years

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I'm just trying to show you that my job is far more strenuous than your creative career." - those are the words that made the situation clear to me. 

I realised that I couldn't be marrying someone who has low-key been a misogynist, and disrespects my career and me. Living with him was draining, and after a lengthy and emotionally taxing discussion, I ended things with my fiancé.   

READ MORE: Woman married 14 years: 'He booked a marriage appointment at Home Affairs instead of proposing'

As you can imagine, I am still grieving and hurting, but I'm glad it happened. It is less painful to call off a wedding than it is to file for divorce later on. Funny how a global pandemic revealed the cracks in our relationship!

I don't think trying to live with someone for the first time when there's the pressure of a pandemic, with absolutely nothing else to do besides work and being in each other's faces, is a good idea.

I also wish there were some guidelines for dealing with breakups in quarantine. Usually, when you go through a breakup, you spend time with your friends, going out, and meeting new people, and that's not possible right now. I'm healing and taking it one step at a time. 

What's your love story? Tell us about it here.

* Name has been changed to protect Bianca's identity

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